Wednesday, June 23, 2010

It's Not Nice to Fool Mama

Walter always said he was the only person he knew who was so likely to get in trouble, even going to church didn't help. As always there was a story. While he was a student at UGA he had committed some unpardonable wrong in the eyes of his dear mother. He said his father was a little more understanding but his mother held firm. (I never got the full story of the exact sin.)

Georgia was not playing on that particular Saturday and she wanted him to come home to Savannah for the weekend so she could discuss her disappointment and keep an eye on him. Fortunately, Walter had football practice, and you did not miss football practice, so his mother reluctantly excused him. However, she made it clear she expected him to spend the weekend practicing football, studying, and considering his transgressions. And, if he wasn't coming home, she specifically forbade him to leave campus.

Now, Walter loved his Mama, but he was also smitten with this cute blond from Augusta that, as my father would say, would make a tad pole slap a whale! This particular weekend, she had invited Walter home with her to meet her parents, after Friday football practice - of course. Now given that option, and figuring his Mama would never know the difference, Walter happily headed to Augusta for the weekend.

Walter said he was on his best behavior and he poured out all his southern charm. The weekend went very well. Sunday morning everyone got up, went to church, and then had a big Sunday dinner before they returned to campus. Even his Mama would have been proud of him - if she had known where he was.

Later that week, his mama called, "How was church Sunday? At the First Baptist Church in Augusta?" Seems, while in church Walter got bored and decided to complete one of the "Visitor Surveys" he found in the pew. Unfortunately, he used his home address. The church had followed up with a post card mailed to his home, thanking him for attending services that Sunday. Mama was not happy. Walter said he tried his best to get out of the situation by telling his mother all about the young lady and what a great family she came from. But his mother's only response was, "Walter, I'm sure she's a nice girl, but it doesn't matter. They're not Episcopalians."

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