Friday, July 23, 2010
OK, I take back (some of what) I said about our reputation down here for being slow and perhaps some of us not being the brightest bunnies in the woods. If I were to drop in from Mars, and while waiting for a cup of coffee at Starbucks, pick up a local newspaper and read that my alien spacecraft has flown 4 million light years to land in a place where (1) a candidate for the most exclusive club in America wants to make and sell action figures of himself to jump start the economy (and his name is not Arnold Schwarzenegger), (2) a former city official is being investigated for stealing 1.8 million gallons of water, and (3) a man gets killed when he attempts to slap a moving train. (He did not heed the advice of a friend who tried to tell him you slap the back not the front.) And, for goodness sake, please don't go find the YouTube video of 2008 Miss South Carolina Teen USA trying to answer a question about maps. Charts and graphs can't help explain what was going on there. However, she knew how to smile and had the beauty queen wave down pat, but I digress.
Yes, sir Mr. Martian, you have sat yourself right slap dab in the middle of the most intelligent part of the universe. (I still swear we don't marry our cousins.)
Honest to God, it's a wonder that the Union doesn't want to reestablish the Confederacy just to get rid of this insanity. But, maybe they keep us around simply for the pure entertainment value. (And, the Baptists are concerned about us buying batteries on Sunday morning?) Now granted Illinois has had, what 3 of their last 4 governors indicted, but that's just politics and accepted. No news there. (Vote early and vote often.) And, as for our fair state, there are still some folks who can't understand what the Appalachian Trail, Argentina, emails, and a suburban parked at the airport have to do with the governor. Bless his heart. (Back to the slow bunnies.)
All this said, for the life of me I cannot explain why anyone would question the integrity of the citizens of a state where according to the law it is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the courthouse steps on Sunday and we have a town festival celebrating boiled hog intestines. (Well, how else were they going to raise money to buy the Christmas lights for the town?) I couldn't make this up if I tried.