Monday, January 10, 2011

It's Not the Weather that I Fear

When we have fowl weather forecast down here, that is there is a chance of sleet, freezing rain, or snow, we go into full scale alert and preparation. The world may end. Will we survive? My mother's sage advice - make sure you have milk and bread.

I have always found this puzzling. As far as I'm concerned milk is only good for one thing - White Russians. As far as I know (not that I have tried) you can only sustain yourself on White Russians for so long, and as tasty as they are, unfortunately, I don't think are truly nutritious. And, God forbid, white bread. Now, give me a multi-grain artisan loaf - well, that's a different story. But I digress.

So here we are with milk and bread - and most likely chips and Oreos (and, according to a national survey, Pop Tarts - the most popular food item bought at the time of a weather related disaster - who knew?.) Make sure we have plenty of wood and charcoal, because if we lose power for any length of time, we will be forced to cook the weakest among us. (Not really but it sounds drastic, especially after drinking a gallon of White Russians.) all the meat that will go bad in the freezer.

The sight of sleet and ice on the roads making travel treacherous is not a good thought. The idea of frozen tree limbs snapping electric lines and leaving us in the dark is bad enough. I can deal with the fears of running short of food and clean water. Even knowing I may go a day or two without a hot shower is tolerable. However, the idea that we will be confined in the house, together - for any length of time is down right frightening.

Anyone who looks at this as a time to bond and spend "quality time" with each other either spends way too much time watching Oprah, has been drinking Mama's White Russians, or (as my Aunty would say) is touched. Spare me, quality time with family members is way overrated. If you don't believe me, ask anyone down here who went through the last ice storm we had. There were folks so desperate to escape the confines of their "loved ones" that they volunteered to go out into the weather to find a store seeking more supplies. Often, they were not seen again until the crisis subsided.

Of course, they were smart, when they left, they took the milk, the Kahlua, and the Pop Tarts with them.

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