My mother called yesterday."I just wanted to let you know I'm going to the mountains for a few days." "I hope you have a good trip. The weather should be great." "I really don't care what the weather is like, I just need to get away." Should I ask? "What's wrong?" "Well, it's just the Florist. We had our homeowner's meeting and he is going to take over." Jumping in with both feet I asked, "What has he done now?"
"Well, he and his committee have this agenda." "Was he elected President?" "No, but they are still going to take over. He has them hook, line, and sinker." "Mama . . " "No, he has them over for his dinner parties once a week." "Maybe you should join his committee." "Join it? It's all I can do to get away from it." "Mama, it cannot be that bad."
"His newest thing is that our sign out front looks 'dinky' and no one could ever find us if they were looking for us. Well, I just told him, that no one had ever told me they couldn't find me." In my mind I could see the two of them going mano a mano - this 4 foot 8 inch ball of fire and this six foot eccentric florist with a very pronounced lisp. "Then he started on the mailboxes again." Oh, God, not the mailboxes!
"You should hear him, 'Y'all thould thee what everyone thinkth of uth. Ith not funny. We need a fancy thine out front, a big one with all kindth of ivy and greenery on it. I brought thome exampleth for you to thee.' " "Mama, that's not funny," I said laughing. Then she continued, "Ith a therious matter. We pay a lot to live here, people thould know how to find uth." "I hope you didn't laugh at him." I was too mad to laugh at him.
"I still say, let him be. He is pretty much harmless. So what if you end up with a big new sign out front?" "We can't afford it?" "Let him figure that out or pay for it himself." "God you sound just like my neighbor." Finally a voice of reason. "Well, I think she's right." "But those poor ladies he has under his spell." "Trust me, Mama, they'll thurvive."