Friday, March 9, 2012

Good Ol' Boys, Red Necks, and Po' White Trash

Someone who was not from here, might get a red neck, po' white trash, and a good ol' boy confused just because they all drive a pick up truck. Well let me clue you in, if you pay attention, the differences are glaringly obvious. First off, if the truck is new, chances are it belongs to a red neck. Good ol' boys hang on to their trucks for a long time. Like most things down here, there is an emotional attachment. Po' white trash don't have the money to buy a new one nor do they care.

Now a gun rack in the back is a toss up. Both good ol' boys and red necks hunt. The tie breaker here is going to be the confederate flag or Dale Jr. decal on the back window. Either is a dead give away for a red neck. If all else fails just close your eyes and listen. If you heard that truck before you saw it, chances are it is equipped with a performance exhaust system. That and aftermarket automotive lighting are the dream of all red neck young men. What more says "Come hither" to that sweet young lady, than a glass pack muffler rumbling underneath a truck with special external lighting?

The dash board of the po' white trash's pickup is going to be inches thick in light bills, Cheeto wrappers, sale papers, and a Cool Whip container or two. Chances are at least one hub cap is going to be missing and, most likely, a tail light won't work. And, it will look as if it hasn't been washed in a month of Sundays, because, well, chances are it hasn't. 

The good ol' boy's truck will mostly be clean. If you look around, there'll be a large drink cup from the local Short Stop in the cup holder, some letters he needs to drop in the mail, and maybe a shirt or two that need to go to the cleaners. And, there'll be dog hair. He takes his dog with him everywhere. And, unlike the red neck who puts his dog in the back of the truck, Beau rides up front. (Po' white trash don't take their dogs with them. They stay at home under the porch - next to the old car up on the blocks.) 

So, a good rule of thumb is: if you hear it coming and the dog's in the back, chances are  it's a red neck, if it's nothing fancy and the dog's up front, it's a good ol' boy, and if looking at the cab of the truck, you're not sure whether you need to call the health department to have it  condemned or the local garage to have it towed , it belongs to po' white trash.

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