My Life A Bit South of Normal

Monday, April 9, 2012

We Just Ask - Politely

One thing about us down here, not only do we say things in our slow southern drawl (suthun drall), we try to say it politely, or at least, so it sounds polite in mixed company. We were taught that there were polite questions you asked as part of well-mannered upbringing. We were also taught that there were polite ways you answered these questions, so as to not sully the family's reputation. (Of course we all know the real answers but no one would talk about that in polite company.)

For instance when the question is: "How's Ms. Doris doing? Is she still traveling?" The correct answer is,"Just fine. And, oh yes, she still likes to take those long trips by herself." (Of course, you know the trips are to rehab.) Or, "What about Mac, isn't he a Senior this year?" "Well, he decided to take a year off, what with his Daddy being sick and all. He wanted to stay close to home." (That and the fact the Dean told him he was not eligible to return.) "Oh, and that dear Mary Lou. What is she up to?" (About 300 pounds.) "Is she engaged yet?" "No. And, you know Aunt Mary, she's still planning that wedding." "Well, I'm sure it's just a matter of time, the right one will come along." (When the circus comes back to town.)

"Now, enough about us, what about your folks? How's Mary Elizabeth?" (I haven't seen her since her wedding three years ago to Tommy.) "She just got married again. And, I think he is the right one. David just wasn't from a good family" "What happened to Tommy?." "Oh, the family didn't say much but she really rushed into that. Her heart was with Rich." "Rich?" "Yeah, she left Tommy to marry Rich." "Then she left Rich for David?" "Well, not exactly. See Rich walked out on her. It was devastating. But then she found David. And we just knew that was going to work." "But it didn't?" "Unfortunately not. But then she met Bill and we just think the world of him." (Let's see that's 4 husbands in 3 years, she must have an attorney on retainer.) "And, how's John Jr.?" "Just fine." "And, Jim?" "Doing well."

And, our manners keep us all civil, as long as we are sober and our guns are locked in the closet.

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