Friday, October 5, 2012
The world is going to end and I am going to live to see it. I heard all about in line at Walmart Sunday afternoon. Two older women, obviously church going women because they had on their best suits. And, not just dresses, but their hats, matching pocket books, and shoes. And, these were well-to-do-country-church going ladies because one of their hats looked like something designed by an alien as a prototype for his ride home and the other resembled a nest some animal had painted burnt orange, rearranged, then abandoned. But, I digress.
I could tell they were discussing something of the utmost importance because they were mumbling "Uh huh" and nodding to each other. Since it only dawned on the lady in front of them that she was going to have pay for her groceries after they were scanned and bagged, we were going to be there for a while. Therefore they had time to talk and I had nothing more to do than listen. Not that I had choice, it wasn't like they were whispering. This was a passionate conversation.
"It ain't right, it ain't right. I'm just telling you." "You don't have to tell me, I pray about it every night. All those souls that will be lost, mmm, it's just sad. Satan is on his way." "And, you heard Reverend Johnson this morning say that the deed is done and now it is up to us." "Cast out the demons and send them on their way. That's what he said." "Hallelujah, sister I heard him too."
I watched them as they stood there contemplating, what sounded to me, as certain Armageddon, with their legs bound in support stockings and their swollen feet spilling out of their shoes. End of the world or not, they needed to get off their feet, they were no spring chickens. I looked to see what they were buying. What would be their final purchase? One had in her buggy Roach killer traps and wax paper? I had to think about that one, may be I should have been paying more attention to Ms. Runuger in Sunday school, then I would be more prepared for "the Day of Reckoning".
"And, you know it's gonna get the menfolk first." "Uh huh, sho 'nuff. And, some of those flirt'n women, too." Lord, it's the plague, I thought. "The bible says liquor is the devils work." "Amen sister." Now the evil had revealed itself. Selling wine and beer had just been approved in our area much to the condemnation of the local churches (with the exception of the Episcopals of course and the Catholics - who most folks don't count down here any way.) One of the ladies continued, "He better hope she takes him home because he ain't coming back to my house."
The other one stopped and looked at her. "Mary, you ain't got no man." Mary just stood there. "Girl, you hold'n out on me? And, it better not be Tom." "Well you left him faster than my mama could say amen, what was he supposed to do?" "He wasn't supposed to go running to my two timing friend, that's what." Suddenly, my concern went from the coming of the apocalypse to "Cat Fight at Register 3".