My Life A Bit South of Normal

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Hallelujah - There is a God, Maybe

I think I found my dress for the wedding. And, it meets the criteria: it doesn't make me look like I just left Sunday morning services, it isn't something my grandmother or my Aunt Kat, bless her heart, would ever wear, nor is it something my dear Aunty would don (although I hope to have a good time, none the less), it is a color that doesn't make look like Casper the Friendly ghost, and it is affordable. No. 7925362 - Voila!

So, I get down to the brass tacks. Let's order this puppy. As a wary consumer, the first thing I check is the Return Policy. One never knows what will arrive in that box the friendly UPS guy leaves at the door. Two things caught my eye. Listed under the FAQ's were: (taken directly from the website)
  • what should I pay attention to when return the item?
  • When do I received the refund?
  • Find a tailor in your town to make sure the dress perfectly fit your body.
There are some issues here, syntax, capitalization, "make sure the dress perfectly fit your body"?  Suddenly, I could hear the gentleman at our local Chinese restaurant shout, as he does to everyone who walks up to the counter and asks for Kung Poa Chicken,"Order by numbah!" That is all he ever says. Obviously,  because that is all the English he knows. 

The return policy was murky at best. But, in the top corner was the picture of a friendly lady offering "Live Chat". Yes, I could get my answer here (in English - I hope). So I logged in. Soon typed in English (not Cantonese as I feared) the screen said, "Hi, I'm Allison, how may I help?" So I explained my concern over the return policy. Suddenly a window opened showing the "Return Policy" I just tried to muddle through. I closed the window and went back to Allison. "I read that. It is not clear. Can I return my purchase for a full refund if I am not satisfied?" The same window popped up. Order by numbah!

Disappointed, but not willing to send my funds to Never Never Land, I went back to Google. I was in luck, I found the same dress, for the same price at a different site. There is a god. This site talked about each dress being custom made. I went to check the return policy. It was about the same as the earlier one. But, they had live chat - the same picture of the friendly lady. I did not want to talk to Allison again. The more I looked at the site, I realized it was an exact copy of the first one I saw, same fabric swatches, same lame wording, same dresses. What the heck?

I wanted something state side - domestic. So back to Google I went. Finally, I found a suitable dress at a company based in Ohio, the heartland of America. But, the fabric swatches looked eerily familiar, and the return policy - oh God, it was them again. Sure enough there was Allison's friendly face in the upper corner. Just out of curiosity, I did a search and, sure enough, there was the original dress (No. 7925362) I had found on the first sight.

Just for kicks and giggles, I continued looking for that dress and found seven websites set up as fronts for the same Chinese company. Everything was the same with exception of the home page. 

All, this fun aside, I am back to square one. No more "Order by numbah."

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