No one's life is sane. It is learning how to live with the insanity that is the trick. Sure, down South, we all have our skeletons in the closet. The difference is - we open the doors and let them dance on the front porch. After all, who doesn't have a mother who thinks she knows it all, a father who knows best, at least one irritating sibling, and that weird uncle no one wants to sit by at supper. I'm not sure what "Normal" is, but whatever it is, I know I live a bit south of it.
My Life A Bit South of Normal
Saturday, April 19, 2014
From Chapter 33 - "I Never Got the Merit Badge" (This is the latter part of Chapter 33 from my new book on weddings - telling of some of the trials and tribulations of planning my daughter's wedding.) ~~~~~~~~~
I never saw a merit badge on Wedding Planning when I was Girl Scout and my sash was filled with a plethora of badges ranging from First Aide to Camping to Forestry to Recycling. I was prepared for the gown, the invitations, the cake, and those matters. However, no one prepared me for the onslaught of issues that require copious quantities of drugs and alcohol to handle.
Linens - white or ivory? A runner? And, what color?Should it be satin or organza? What size stage does the band need? And, the dance floor?
The venue needs another check. I have already paid them. A set-up fee? That wasn't in the contract. Oh, we can pay it or set-up the tables and chairs ourselves. That doesn't look like an option. And, the bakery wants $250 just to deliver the cake? I'm not sure my wedding dress cost that much. On second thought, isn't a wedding cake so over rated anyway?
Do we want a golf cart to carry our guests from the polo field to the lawn? No, our guests can walk and enjoy the lovely grounds. Do we need one? No. What if . . ? If something happens, we'll deal with it then. We've checked the guest list and no one is infirm. If someone does something stupid at the rehearsal dinner- they are on their own.
“We” (the venue of the wedding and reception) did tell you that the street address on our website is not the correct address for GPS navigation, didn't we?” Oh, Joy! Since the plantation is two miles off the beaten path of the only main road in west Jesus, I guess they can wing it. The invitations have already gone out.
Oh, and by the way, we did tell all the guests that they cannot get a taxi from the airport in Charleston to the island, the closest hotel is thirty miles from the venue, and to remember to bring mosquito repellent. Perhaps it was best not worry them about the alligators. But, April would most likely be warm enough for them to be out and about.
I know these were just the minor details that everyone deals with. But, I had enough trouble finding a dress. No one prepared me for golf carts, GPS coordinates, and runners.