Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes

While searching for a new swimsuit yesterday (a most painful chore) I overheard the following conversation.

"Lord, I haven't seen you in ages. Where HAVE you been?"

"Good gawd. I've been a swamp."

"A swamp. Do tell?"

"Well the state offered this class where I could get all my education credits for this year, all at one time just in five days. So I signed up."

"Uh huh."

"The class was ecology which I needed since I will be teaching 5th grade life science this year. And Lord child they had us spend those five days in a swamp - an honest to God swamp. The Congaree National Park. Have you ever been there?"

"No."

"Well, you know when you leave Columbia on Bluff Road pass the stadium?"

"Uh huh."

"Well you keep your ass going. You keep going for miles - miles into the middle of no where. I did not know that road went that far. It is 15 mother loving miles out there. And when you get there there is nothing but woods. Nothing! Just trees, water, trails, and a board walk."

"I've never been."

"Well, there's more than that, there's bugs and snakes. Everyday we just hiked - up and down these long ass trails looking at trees and bushes. They showed up pig tracks and deer tracks. We saw birds - I don't know what kind because I was too busy worrying about the bugs and watching out for snakes. And they are pretty funny out there. Don't you step off that there trail. Don't want to damage the environment."

"So you were there every day?"

"Everyday from 7 O'clock in the morning until 4 in the afternoon. And when I got home it took me an hour to scrub every part of my body to make sure there wasn't any type of critter on me. God knows what we could have picked up out there. A swamp! Me in a swamp! For five days. I thought we might be walking through the woods and then in a class room looking at a movie or maybe a slide show. I wasn't ready for the swamp. There wasn't anything in that there literature about no swamp."

"Well did you learn anything?"

"Yeah, that I don't like no swamp."


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