Southern Way

Southern Way

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Far Away Places with Strange Sounding Names

I know, I know, as my Daddy used to say, "To each there own." But there are some times I just question someone's sanity - not their taste, God Bless them, or who they keep company with. But life is just too short to waste vacation time in some miserable place, doing some wretched activity, or having to put up with obnoxious people. The following is a list of vacations that I personally know folks who have these on their "Bucket List", dream of the day they will be able to take this trip, or have already had the experience and will not stop talking about the "once in a lifetime" adventure.

First, a caveat, there is no intention to offend anyone. If your dream vacation is listed here, then I hope you get to go there and return - often. That is what makes the world go 'round and keeps the economy going.

That said, here we go:

(10) Running with Bulls in Pamplona. No, not there to watch, take photos, and enjoy tapas but actually running your hiney off down a narrow street in the crowd of other insane idiots just seconds in front of pissed off Bulls with serious horns that are aimed your way. 

(9) Diving off the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Yes, it is the largest and probably most endangered reef in the world. But first let's consider its takes a 4 day flight to get there. OK, only 25 hours from the east coast of the U.S. But still that is a long expensive trip to snorkel and dive all the while taking a chance to be poisoned by a venomous jellyfish, the toxins of Lion fish and Stone fish as well as a Blue Ringed Octopus (for which there is no known antidote). 

(8) Antarctica. Why not just stick your head in your freezer for several hours? Spoiler - it's cold and frozen. Save your money and find the National Geographic special on the continent. If you have to brag that you have set foot on every continent, take a quick trip King George Island (one of the South Shetland Islands in Argentina). You can check it off your list and the islands are relatively ice free.  Or you can just make it up. How many of the rest of us are going to know what you are talking about anywhere. 

(7) Lego Land - Sure I played with them - but planning a vacation around these small building blocks?

(6) Atlantis Paradise Island- it may be just me but when the featured $150 "Free Kids Activities" include Club Crush, Climbers Rush, Atlantis Kids Adventure, a rented car for the Atlantis Speedway, and one Atlantis stuffed toy (excluding the outfit) does the trip to the beach get lost in the mix? And, if it cost $150 for the "Free" stuff, I dare ask what the other amenities cost. If this is paradise, I'll pass.

(5) Atlantic City - I don't care for salt water taffy, I don't gamble, and I have no desire to be anywhere close to the location of the reality show "Jersey Shore".  And, besides, any place that lists "Ripley's Believe it Not" as one of the Top Ten places one needs to visit when coming there just doesn't sound like some place I would enjoy.

(4) Gatlinburg, Tennessee - Streets full of rubber street emporia selling baubles, doodads, novelties, trinkets, and kitsch. No doubt salt water taffy is in there somewhere. It is not hard to find shelves of Cherokee Native American crafts (all made in China).

(3) Myrtle Beach -  the once seaside location of small clubs playing Carolina Beach music, now columns of concrete condos lining the beach. Acres of golf courses, goofy golf, pancake houses, "Ripley's Believe It or Not", and everything found in #4 Gatlinburg

(2) Area 51 in southern Nevada. If you're not familiar move along, only believers and conspiracy theorists need venture there.

(1) And my idea of Hell - an all inclusive Christmas Bus Trip to Branson Missouri that includes 5 days on a "luxury" coach with 39 other people, accommodations in a 3 star hotel (double occupancy only), all meals included (no choice there, most likely all buffet), a tour guide (to make sure no one ventures off on their own), and a personalized fanny pack and large tag to wear around your neck that identifies you as someone on a bus tour to Branson Missouri, as if you were not in enough pain and anguish. Just saying.

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