Tuesday, December 22, 2015

I Am but He's Not

Along the route of my great job hunt when I made the decision that I would expand my reach far and wide. My DH and I talked and decided should the stars and moon align, the angels sing, and a job come through that was out of commuting range, I would relocate and my DH would stay home. He was not too cotton on moving and even if he were, preparing our house for the market may take a wee bit longer than the average American home. OK, it would be a massive undertaking.

The job came through and sure enough it is out of town. So the plan goes into place. 23 months has given me time to prepare. I have spreadsheets made up of various salaries and budgets a given salary would allow. Looking at different markets, what would apartments cost? Going to sleep at night, I no longer counted sleep, rather in my mind, I arranged my Mama's beautiful furniture in imagined rooms in my mind.

  • What I wasn't prepared for was the third question. The first being (after I told someone I now had a job) was, "Wonderful, doing what?". When I told them what and where, their second question was, "Are you going move?" Then comes the third question which is, "What about your DH?" I politely explain what we have planned. Then their countenance changes. I can see it in their eyes, going through their head is the obvious question, "Are you leaving him?" My answer to their unasked question depends on where I am, who it is, or how much time I have. Usually I quickly smile, and add to my last answer, "And yes, my DH and I are fine. This is the only way we can work this out. We are in and out Charleston every week or so as it is to shop, dine, or see a movie. This just gives him a place to stay."
  • Several times I have not been paying attention and have said something like, "We have just reached that time in life when we can do this." Then I spend the next several minutes trying to explain the inarticulate flippant statement that somehow lost any clear meaning as it tumbled from my mind to my mouth was - that since we were empty nesters and no longer had so many responsibilities with the children,  etc.  . . .
  • If it is a nosy someone I know I can play with their mind I don't comment.
Saturday night when I returned from celebrating Christmas at my Step Mother's, my DH's question (he opted out of the event) was, "Did you tell them about your new job?" I told him I did. Then he asked, "Did they think we were getting divorce?"  I just laughed and said, "Yes, they did." 

I hesitated for a while. Then added, "Of course I explained we weren't."  In my mind I thought, at the same time time, I am sure my explanation is totally juxtaposed with his absence that night.

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