My Life A Bit South of Normal

Friday, August 10, 2018

Green Velvet and Buck Shot

Della just smiled, thinking of the green velvet corseted dress Bunny had just described, 'Only Bunny would be thrilled with that get up'. "And all the bridesmaids wore them?"

"We did, but that didn't work out so good."

Vivian laughed, "Were the corsets too tight?"

"No, it wasn't that. Jon Bo didn't show up for the wedding."

"John Bo?"

"Her groom. Well,  his mama named him Jonas Buchanan, but we all called him 'Jon Bo'."

"So he stood her up?"

"No, he wouldn't have done that. Come to find out later he was in the hospital. So we only got to wear the dresses for an hour or so."

"That's dreadful?

"It sure was - those dresses cost a lot"

"But, the bride didn't know?" asked Vivian.

"Oh, she knew, but her mama ordered them and sent us bill before Princetta knew anything about it."

"No, not the dresses, Princetta didn't know what had happened to Jon Bo?"

"No one did, well except his best friend Ned. They finally found him stark naked, passed out behind the A&P."

Bunny's story was interrupted when the office phone rang. Della answered it. Bunny turned to go into her office.

Vivian followed her, "So what happened to Jon Bo?"

"Oh, he had been shot in the rear end at his bachelor's party." Bunny was quiet as she thumbed through the mail Della had handed her. The other ladies were waiting to hear more. Finally Bunny looked up and realized she hadn't finished the story. "They were drunk as skunks and those crazy boys decided to play Russian Roulette with a shot gun. Took them over an hour to get that buckshot out of his tail - couldn't sit down for 2 weeks."

"Oh, that is horrible," said Della.

Vivian was shocked,"No, that's not 'horrible', that is insane."

"Not with those boys. They were crazy as Hell. I don't think Princetta wanted to marry Jon Bo any how. She always had a thing for Ned. But he was dating Calista. Of course, Calista broke up with Ned that day after news got out about the boys."

"I guess so, shooting the groom," laughed Della.

"No, the shootin' didn't bother her. He had done worse things than that before. Calista's mama put a stop to that relationship. She was more pissed than a boiled owl. Said finding that boy stark naked in public was the final straw. Anyway, didn't bother Calista much, 'cause she and Jon Bo eloped the next day. Had Preacher Rick do it at the hospital."

"Poor Princetta," said Della trying to imagine this scenario.

"Bet she was upset?"

"Probably so, but I think she was more concerned about trying to get her money back from the Elks Lodge where they had planned the reception."

Della was laughing, "Bunny, no offense to your cousin, but that's the funniest wedding story I've ever heard."

Before Bunny could say anything else,  Wade stuck his head into Bunny's office. " 'Gotta minute? I need to show you something."

Bunny didn't reply, just grabbed her bag and followed Wade out of the office. As soon as the door closed, Vivian said, "This is better than any soap opera."

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