Monday, July 29, 2019

The Fanny Pack

I can appreciate fashion at its best, however there have been colossal fashion failures. Poodle skirts and patchwork quilt skirts for ladies come to mind. Worse yet, jumpsuits and leisure suits for the men. But I digress.

One of the all time, worse ever fashion accessory was the "Fanny Pack". Please in the name of God, tell me who looks good with a fanny pack. I'm sure there were good intentions behind it. Personally in this instance, even though form follows function, the sight of a fanny pack (to me) is a stigma. It shouts - "I'm a tourist on vacation from Elyria, Ohio."  "My husband and I brought the family down here to see the world's largest ball of string." "Can't wait to get home and show the Bernsteins [the neighbors] our travel photos." 

To make things worse, I was shocked to see in Vogue that this was the 'Year of the Fanny Pack'. Now these new fanny packs are not like the ones Aunt Mildred wore on vacation. These are posh, smart looking, accessories designed by such as Gucci, Versace, and Dolce & Gabbano. Perhaps a bad practical joke on those with more money than sense. But, as they say, you can't put lipstick on a pig, even if you are Versace.

All this came to mind when I realized that I will need some secure place for my passport, cash, and other valuables. When in Rio . . . one needs to keep one's valuables in a safe place very close. The city is rife with crime. Travel blogs all suggest a fanny pack to fit the bill. I would rather die first than be caught alive wearing one.

So what is the alternative? Oh, there are many small money belts, under garment small bags, etc. that one can wear. LL Bean, Orvis, Travel Smith, and others have many examples of such. So I am tasked with finding a practical, secure, comfortable way to carry my ID's and money, without looking like Helen Higgenbothom from Elyria, Ohio. 

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