Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Failure to Communicate

Once again the miracle of analytical computer programs amazes me. Finding jobs these days involves using online aggregators that ask a million questions - OK I exaggerate, but a lot - about everything from your educational background to your employment history to your playground reputation in third grade. Oh, and do you have experience with the DLC, RLK, and FG processes dealing with the fanooking value?

After all that they ask what areas of employment you are interested in and locations in which you are willing to work in. This is where a person with any intelligence takes their experience and education and lists jobs they either have done in the past, have been trained to do, or know they can handle. For example "Rocket Scientist" and "Math Professor" are two occupations that would not be on my list. However just to make things interesting I added "India" as a location I was willing to relocate to. (Everyone has a mid-life issue - sue me!)

Some of these applications can take up to an hour to complete. Often I think just being able to survive the initial application process should be seen as a sign of endurance and creativity. By the time I finish one I often think greeting at Wal-mart and living out of my car may not be such a bad thing after all.

This all brings me to this morning's email. Every morning I am greeted with 4 or 5 messages from each aggregator with a list of jobs that according to their job placement experts (ie computerized analytic process) my application, skills and background, interested career areas, and location preferences match.  Like the curtain being pulled back in OZ, I would not be surprised to find that these aggregators are actually a group of 20-somethings that have developed an income producing drinking game. 

By placing each job that employers have paid them to list on a piece of paper and then sticking each of these on a large board, the 20-somethings can draw a name (of a potential job applicant) from a fish bowl then take a dart and throw it toward the board. Voila! That match is then added to the applicant's morning list. Of course I feel certain beer comes to play somewhere in this process.

My skills, background, and experience prompted me to list "Project Manager", "Executive Assistant", "Paralegal", and "Program Tester" on my application. Given all this information examples of the jobs that were presented to me this morning included "Sr. Tea Taster" for a Tea company in New Delhi, "Commercial Real Estate Broker" in Columbia, "Outside Sales Executive" for Sharp, and "Co-Manager" for a Hobby Lobby Store. 

Once again in the immortal words of the Captain in Cool Hand Luke, "What we've got here is failure to communicate."

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