Sunday, September 3, 2017

I'm Your Man

Now that Bunny had signed up to find her perfect southern gentleman, she next wanted to try out her "new" car. She was able to start it with no problem. Then she realized it was a stick shift, something she had not driven in 15 years. Bunny took a breath, it had to be like riding a bicycle, right?

She put her foot on the clutch and looked to see where reverse was. When she tried to excel the car to get it out of the garage, the engine sputtered after there was a deafening grinding of the gears. This was not good. She tried it again and was able to get it into the driveway before it choked again. Trying to figure out what to do, she decided instead of going down the drive, she would take the dirt road behind the garage and practice there. No one would see her and she could get a hang of a stick shift again.

After 30 minutes or so she thought she was ready so she made her way down the drive to the road. She managed to get to work, but the car had sputtered at each stop, the gears had ground, and it had cutoff twice. This was going to take more practice. She parked out front and walked in.

Della handed her several messages. Bunny put her things in her office then went back to Della's desk to tell her about her on-line profile. "Della, it took me forever to complete my profile. They ask questions like, what do you enjoy doing and describe yourself. I spent over an hour just finishing those 2 parts alone.. But I did and hopefully I will hear from eligible men today." She smiled and went back into her office.

When her cell phone rang, she saw it was her mother, so she did not take the call. Naturally Della's phone rang next. Before Della could answer it Bunny yelled, "If that's my mother tell her I do not want to talk her unless she is dead."

Della answered the phone and it was Anna Belle. She put her on hold. "Bunny it is your mother and she is alive."

"Great, tell her I'm dead."

Della picked the line up,"Mrs. Vontese, Bunny is on another call. I'll give her the message you called as soon as she is free." Pause, "No mam, I don't know anything about that." Pause, "Yes mam I will tell her."

"Bunny, your mother said to tell you, wait I wrote it down. There is no such pattern as Louis VIII by Tiffany or any other company."

"How the Hell does she know that?"

"I guess she knows her sterling."

"No not that. That is part of my on-line profile. It asked what my silver pattern was and all I remember was one that I recalled Mama mentionin once. I thought it was Louis VIII by Tiffany."

"Guess not, huh?"

Bunny picked up the phone and called her mother, "What difference does it make if the pattern is Catherine Great or Louis VIII? And how in the Hell did you find that? Are stalking me now?"

"No, honey. I happened to be on Silverspoons last night doing a search and low and behold there were two 'Vonteses' so I just had to see who the other one was. Imagine my surprise to see it was you."

"What? Is business bad so you are having to troll sites for men?"

"Bunny that was ugly. I just think it is a good idea to see who is out there and available."

"Mother, you are sick."

"Honey, you are never going to find a decent man if the best you can do is what is on your profile. And that picture. It looks like something scanned off of a driver's license."

"Good bye," Bunny said in disgust and hung up.

Just then she noticed a little heart on her Silverspoons icon. Someone was interested. She was excited. Bunny clicked on the icon and logged in. The message was from a Huck McKissick. She thought for a moment, the McKissicks were a very well to do family in Mobile. He looked very nice in his picture, a lot like Blake Shelton.

His message was: Love your name and your profile. And since you like to have a good time, I'm your man. How about a threesome?

Bunny just sat there. She wasn't sure what to think. She called Della into her office and told her about Silverspoons and how it really seemed to be more of her style. Bunny told her about her first "contact" and showed Della his picture.

Della smiled, "He looks just like Blake Shelton."

"That's what I thought. But read his message. I'm not quite sure what he is talking about."

Della read the message and started laughing. "What part don't you understand?"

"Well I said in my profile that I was looking for a good time. I didn't want anyone to think I was trolling for sex or anything like that. And I've never heard of the term 'threesome'. Is that like a triple feature at the movies instead of a double feature."

Della just looked at Bunny. "Honey, can I see your profile. We may need to tweak it a bit."

Bunny pulled up her account. Stella sat down and started reading through it. She stopped and went back to another page that explained some terms. Then she returned to Bunny's page."

"Bunny, why did you check the 'Swingers' box?"

"Well I'm not a "Deb", I'm not looking to get married so 'Working on my MRS' didn't fit, and 'It's Just a Date' sounded, well, dull. I thought 'Swingers' would be more fun. Is that a problem?"

"Well not if you want a hit from every single man on this site looking for a one night stand."

"But the site is supposed to be designed for 'southern girls who want to meet nice southern men'. No one said anything about one night stands."

"Of course they wouldn't. That is why they have different categories. And 'Swingers' is not where you want to be unless there is part of your life I am not aware of."

Bunny shook her head,"No, of course not. You know me."

"Now to your profile." Della scrolled down and started reading it. About 3 or 4 lines into it Della said, "Oh,- dear, - God. Bunny what have you done? Did you read the questions?"

"Of course I read the questions and I was honest in my answers."

"Well, that's the problem."

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