Four Calling Birds

More fowl? Seriously? Yes, but we have been wrong all these years. It is not a "Calling" bird, rather it is a "Collie" or "Colly" bird. This refers to a black bird. In Theological terms the "4" refers to the Four gospels (and Apostles), Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

On a secular level Blackbirds are messengers that may haunt the soul, or a curiosity into the mystical elements of the animal and spirit realms. As Poe historically wrote about  the Raven (another black bird). "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, . . "  But I digress.

The query at hand is when do the decorations come down? This is the time when we question our sanity in having to decorate every room in the house.  Just because there were so many choices on Pinterest did we really need a wreath on every outside door?

Are you the traditionalist with plans to remove it all before New Years. Or do you fall into the faithful category, waiting until the kings reached the Christ Child with their gifts on Epiphany. 

Who's idea was it to place globes of glass ornaments on so many pieces of furniture? And to double the number of lights on the tree? Did we really need to replace all the hand towels in the bathrooms and tea towels in the kitchen with holiday themed linens? Thankfully I no longer display the large detailed Christmas village with it's animated ice rink, lit snow covered streets, and miniature porcelain carolers. 

As a side note I remember my mother's table displays complete with angel hair (aka spun glass), not the best choice to use with children in the house given it looked just like cotton candy. And the tree lights the size of your thumb that would heat a large size living room, not to mention the dangerous thinly covered electric wires running around and through a live tree that is in the process of drying out.

As I struggle to get the lights off the tree and all the ornaments back into their boxes with minimal damage, I promise to myself that I will simplify my life. 

"Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Three French Hens

I await my French Hens (it being the third day of Christmas).  Research says that the "Three" represents Faith, Hope, and Love".  But I digress.

However, no one ever stated in the song whether they were dressed and ready to be frozen or baked. Or, whether they were alive and kicking. Please, God, let they be the former. I do not need any more livestock. There was a reason I never got around to taking a class in slaughtering and dressing out a live bird.

In the song they never commented whether the hens were moving about or in a dish. Funny, references to some of the other fowl was more explicit. The Geese were laying. Those very expensive Swans were swimming. And that Partridge was always in the Pear Tree. Come to think of it, out of the 74 gifts, 23 are fowl (well actually 28 if you count the Five Golden Rings as Ring-neck Gold Finches which was the original intent.)

I guess I best not hold my breath since neither the Partridge, the Pear, nor the Turtle Doves have showed up yet. Perhaps I should not count my French Hens before they arrive - alive, baked, broiled, or fried.

Two Turtles Doves and All the Mess Left Over

Well, it's all over, Christmas Day that is. The Elf on the shelf has returned to the North Pole for 11 months. (Lots of help is.)  The 'fridge is full of leftovers - which is an issue, given most of us have sworn to start a serious diet immediately. Well, at least starting January 1. All the exquisite dark chocolate candy that calls to you like a siren saying "Enjoy it ALL now because the reality of calories is coming quickly".

The den is littered with discarded ribbons and paper, unless you were anal and collected paper as it was torn from packages in the excitement of Christmas morning. There is the stack of boxes on the side table of gifts that did not make the cut:  the pants that are too tight (thank you Aunt Mary for thinking I wore a smaller size), the sweater in that God Awful green (that your cousin Jan explained was going to be "the" green for the spring), and that "As Seen on TV" gadget that supposedly organizes the dashboard of your car. And, of course, there is that bottle of perfume someone, you cannot remember who, gave you. 

There is also the piece of the puzzle that was lost in the excitement of Christmas morning, that you hope did not get thrown out with the paper. Under the tree are the 2 sad looking presents you have yet get to their recipients. 

All in all another one is in the books. Now there are 5 days or so of Christmas purgatory. You wonder what possessed you to put up all these damn decorations. Note to self: next year remember minimalism is much better. And the ever present decision: when does the tree come down? You are torn between "immediately" and "How long can I wait before tackling that project". The thought crosses your mind, "What would happen if I just threw the whole thing out, lights, tinsel, glass balls, and all?" It is very tempting.

A belated Joyeux Noël to all. 

The Trials of the Yule Log

Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said I am certifiably insane, with the crown, the sash, and the apron (in this case.) 

Most people who know me are aware that I love to cook. I am very  fearless in the kitchen. Many years ago I decided that I was going to be a bit adventuresome and bake a fairly complicated Lemon Doberge cake - for a family reunion no less. The recipe consisted of 3 pages of directions and 14 ingredients. It required one to make a lemon custard, a fluffy moist white cake, and delicate lemon frosting. 5 hours later when finished one would have a delicious 7 layer cake with deep yellow lemon custard between each layer, covered in a white frosting with bits of lemon zest. One would also find one's self seeking long term counseling.

Fast forward, I, in some moment of total dementia, decided this year to make a Chocolate Yule Log. I'd never made one before. I had seen them in magazines and tasted wonderful ones made by professional bakers. It is a chocolate cake that looks like a log. How hard could it be?

I did my research into recipes and found 3 I liked. After reading through the 3 I saw that I preferred the cake by the Pioneer Woman's recipe, the filling by Bon Appetite, and the chocolate ganache from Delish's site. I prepared a shopping list, procured the necessary ingredients, and assembled the various pots, pans, and dishes I thought I would need. My Chromebook was relocated to the kitchen counter with all 3 web sites open. 

The first part was to make the cake. I measured out all of my ingredients and commenced. I whipped the 6 egg whites in one bowl. While doing so I combined the dry ingredients - the flour, cocoa, the sugar, and baking powder into a 2nd bowl and added the vanilla. Next, according to the screen, I added the egg yokes to a 3rd bowl and started the mixer. I checked the recipe, "Once the mixer starts with the egg yokes, slowly add the sugar and vanilla, before the flour mixture ...." At that point I looked in horror at the bowl containing the combined dry ingredients with the sugar, cocoa, etc . I panicked. Was this the correct cake recipe? 

Checking, yes, this was the correct one. However I realized that I had incorrectly read the instructions for the Bon Appetite cake recipe in preparing the ingredients, and was now reading the correct recipe of the Pioneer Woman to mix the ingredients. 

Back to the mess at hand. In vane, I tried to scoop the sugar off the top of the cocoa mix. Somehow I managed to get a 1/4 cup of sugar contaminated by a bit of cocoa into the egg yokes. How badly did I really want to make this cake after all? The thrill of the experience was long gone. But somehow I got all the ingredients into the mixer, (not necessarily in the correct order), prepared the batter, and got it into the pan. Looking at it as I slid it into the oven, I noticed it was a light brown color, not the rich dark color shown in the lovely photographs. Oh well.

On to the next step. Scanning down the page . . . "Cake", "Filling" , "Meringue Mushrooms"." Meringues? What bloody meringues?  Who knew mushrooms were part of the yule log?

Back and forth I flipped between the 3 recipes. In getting ready to the prepare the filling, I started gathering the ingredients:  "Whipping cream, Sugar, Cream Cheese, Sour Cream . . . " Wait, there was no sour cream or cream cheese in the recipe. I shortly realized I was reading the recipe for Delish's filling, not Bon Appetite's. This cake was slowly developing a multiple personality issue. 

I was able to to get the filling put together, sans cream cheese and sour cream. I'll spare you the remaining sordid details. 2 Dishwasher loads of pots, pans, and in-sundry utensils I had managed to bake the cake, add the filling, and get it into the 'fridge to chill for several hours before icing it. I had also managed to bake a batch of meringue mushroom pieces to be assembled in accordance to paragraphs 10-12 of the recipe. I delayed assembling those until the morning.

Wait, paragraphs 13-14 refer to "Sugared Cranberries". Great, if I read further no doubt I'll find the "Marshmallow Bunnies" that certainly live on the log with the mushrooms and the cranberries. No doubt a plain Chocolate Roll without the woodland features would taste just as good. A little late now.

Of Many One, Yet Each to Their Own

 There are some times I just want to yell, "Stop the Weihnachtspyramide (aka Christmas carousel), I want to get off." This is one time of year I feel that way. Christmas Day is fast approaching.

We can count on some political difference that will arise just as we sit down to eat along with some disagreement over football predictions. There are the in-laws, the out-laws, the folks being introduced to the family for the first time (God help them), and thank goodness, the neighbors who will keep us all fairly civilized less we embarrass ourselves in front of God and everybody. But all in all it is family, our family, gnarly tree and all, with its dysfunction, warts, and skeletons. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

This season is where I start to have an issue. Our society has changed. As we have moved into this century and our population has become more diverse, the number of religions practiced in these united states has increased. At the same time, like it not, we have become more secular. This is not to say we have all become devil worshipers or joined a Wicca cult. Life is just more complicated. 

I am tired of hearing "Keep the Christ in Christmas" just as I am weary of protests against the creche on the town square. Yes, the Christmas season was orginally the time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of God and leader of the Christian faith. But Christianity is just one of many religions among us. In trying to keep Peace on Earth (or at least at home) and Goodwill Toward Men, perhaps we should look around and accept that we are a nation of many. With the exception of the Native Americans, we all arrived here from foreign soil bringing our many faiths and beliefs with us. My father's family came from Scotland only 4 generations ago. My mother's family was orginally from Wales and Scotland. 

Some people say, I just wish Christmas was like it was in the ol' days. You know, like one sees in the works by Norman Rockwell or Courier and Ives. Well, it pretty much is - those paintings are of families gathering, festive outdoor scenes, sleighs in the snow - all the nostalgia we hold so dear. It is everyone's right to celebrate the holiday as they wish or not. It should also be everyone's place to respect those who do not share your values or norms. We have moved on, like it or not. 

No one is taking away the celebration of Christ's birth, the churches will still have their services. Albeit practicing social distancing as we all come together. (Only in these days does this make sense.) Yes, the commercial side is here to stay, thanks to Coca Cola's iconic picture of Santa Claus in 1931 and Francis Pharcellus Church's answer to little Virginia O'Hallon's letter to the editor in 1897. Fighting among us to define the modern Christmas season is about as effective as asking 5 blind men to describe an elephant - everyone has their own personal take on it.

Rather fight for turf and declare what Christmas SHOULD be, perhaps in this busy world when we never spend as much time as we should with one another and never have as much time together to build memories for the future as we did years ago, let's be thankful for the holiday season from Thanksgiving to New Years. Whether you are a devout Christian celebrating the birth of Christ, a member of the Jewish faith celebrating Hanukkah, an African American sharing Kwanza with your family, a Buddist honoring Rohatsu, a Pagan worshiping the Solstice, or just someone who wants to take the time to stop and celebrate life and the joy of those around us - this is the one time we can. 

I was reminded of this just this morning when I was reading about Starbucks taking the "Merry Christmas" and other Christmas motifs off their red coffee cups for the season for fear of offending some. The malls no longer put up "Christmas Trees" - they are now "Holiday Trees". And it is hard to find "Christmas Cards" in the Hallmark store. Shouldn't we drop the political correctness and embrace each other. I am not offended by the menorah that I may see displayed or holiday lights in blue white of the Jewish faith. Kwanza decorations do not threaten me. Instead this all reminds me that of many we are one. We should embrace all beliefs and move forward.

A horrid correlation could be to the Third Reich in Germany as they ascended to power, Germans found everything for the people homogenized - just as the Fuhrer wanted. We don't want it all the same, we don't need any one group fussing that they "were first", it is "their holiday", no more than we want laws that say it is all just a "Holiday" versus what it is to you. As far as I'm concerned, you should be able to enjoy the holidays, celebrate them as you wish, and call them what you want to. Have we become a nation of wimps with tender feelings hurt by the threat of change and diversity? 

Yes, there is a reason for the season - to celebrate life, love, and family. To carry on whatever traditions you may have, crazy as they may be. But more than that, it is a time for us to respect our neighbors as they celebrate as they wish, call it what they may, and perhaps we can learn something along the way. 

As for Starbucks and their red cups. I know still what they stand for. I would like to see "Merry Christmas" and the traditional motifs return but that is their decision. After all it is not what is on the cup - it what is in it. As for the holidays - its not what they are called but how we choose to celebrate them and more importantly that we do have the right and freedom to choose as we wish.

As Toby Kieth said;

"Red solo cup you're more than just plastic

You're more than amazing you're more than fantastic

And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic

When I look at you and say [ ] you're not just a cup."

Are We Having Fun Yet

 The holidays are here and Christmas is right around the corner. If the past week is a sign of what's to come between now and the 25th, it doesn't look good for the home team. So far I

• purchased gifts that I found were not what I had in mind, then learned they could not be returned
• realized that there are not enough lights for the tree
• cannot, for the life of me, find where I put the nice gift tags I bought last year
• have yet to wrap all my gifts
• have managed to soak many of those gifts I have wrapped while attempting to water the tree
• am still waiting for a very important present to arrive that I fear is lost
• still have 2 folks I cannot find an appropriate gift for
• just recalled a friend I left off my list
• don't have a clue if and when I will have time to bake for friends and family
• found note from my Elf (on the Shelf) that he didn't have time for me this year
• am just one crisis away from declaring Bah Humbug and moving to Aruba to scale fish for a living

Other than that, my life is stress free. Yes, it is beginning to look like Christmas.

Ah, The Christmas Cards

I am in the process of sending out my Christmas Cards. Late is such a complicated word and often misused in our language. Yes, the year my Yuletide cards were delivered around Valentines Day - they were late. Getting them out before Thanksgiving only means one of two things: you either have too much time on your hands or you are OCD.  Either way you need help.

This year it took me awhile, but I finally found some cards I cared for. They are not fancy nor in foil envelopes. They are not large with an extended verse inside. They are rather simple, and I will spare my family and friends trite words of warm wishes and joy. 

I had my list of names and addresses from last year. By this time I tried to update the list, making sure I dropped the names from my list of folks I had not heard from in a while and probably would never again and those no longer with us. At my age you realize you are not going see all the folks you once knew before the end.

Getting Christmas stamps was another issue. Several years ago I found that by the time I made it to the Post Office there were no more Holiday stamps available. Some how using stamps with the flag on them was not festive.  Last year, I thought I would be smart and order my Holiday stamps online. Surely that would ensure that I actually got Christmas stamps.  And I did. However, the holiday stamps arrived several days before Christmas, a week or so after I posted my cards. Once again my cards were sent with a patriotic flare. 

Naturally I was lazy this year. Instead of buying regular stamps to use throughout the year, saving my holiday stamps for this year's cards, everything I have sent out so far in 2021 has had a holiday stamp on it. Having depleted my supply of festive stamps, this year I went to the post office 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and successfully found lovely Christmas stamps.

As I prepared my cards, I realized that there were more names on my list than cards I had bought this year. Luckily, I had cards left over from last year. As I finished addressing the envelopes, a feeling on mild panic came upon me. Last year I sent several different kinds of cards. I had no idea who got which card. What if I sent the same card I sent last year to some unsuspecting name on my list? What would they think? Then I realized I was being a bit arrogant to assume someone would remember what card I sent . 

When I finished I still had a few cards left over. There are always names I forgot about and new friends I did not have an address for. Worse yet, those I receive a card from who were not on my list.  My cards are addressed, stamped and ready to mail. I will wait until after Thanksgiving to post them. 

Oh, and if you are reading this and do not receive a Christmas Card from me, fear not. That indicates that you are on the list of those so special you do not need a card. I would not want anyone to think they were being overlooked.

PS - Last year, I would have saved myself angst, had I just checked with my friendly UPS store!

Why I Believe

As I have stated before, I am a true believer in the big man in red. I learned my lesson early. When I was five or six, thinking logically, I started calculating the number of hours in a night, the number of houses in the world, and the amount of time it would take someone to jump out a sleigh and come down every chimney. Funny, I believed that there was a chance the reindeer flew, he had an accurate list, and he lived forever. The idea of elves was questionable. Anyway, putting the package together, as Mr. Spock would say, "This is totally illogical". When I posed my theory to my father, in his wise way, he took it in stride, and said,"Well, you have thought this through and you have some good points." His answer really bothered me. I expected some argument.

As Christmas got closer, I tried to co-op my younger brother into my theory. He wasn't buying it though. He was holding out for that large yellow Tonka Dump Truck to go with the Tonka Road Scraper he got for his birthday. He had the page marked in the Sears & Roebuck Wish Book. 

Remember that wonderful red catalog that would come in the mail a month or so before Christmas? My brother and I would fight over possession of it for weeks. Each of us clearly marking the items we wanted from the incredible selection of toys in the back of the book. But I digress.

Every year, Santa would make one short visit to our small town and hold court at the local Sears store located on the town square. That particular year, my father suggested I go with him to take my brother. As we walked up to the store, there was a crowd of excited children with their parents expectantly waiting to see the big man. (I still had my doubts. After all, how did he have time to visit every town.) My father led us through the crowd.

As we walked through the door, a loud voice boomed from the back of the store. And, what followed changed my life forever. Santa called my name - loudly. The line waiting to see him parted and there he was sitting in his big chair. "Someone told me you no longer believe in me," he said in a questioning voice. "Come hear. Let's talk." Somehow I made it down the aisle. As I approached him, he looked down at me and smiled. 

"Oh, I believe," I quickly said. 

"I thought you did. Now let's discuss that Chatty Cathy on page 105 of the Wish Book. I think that was on your list." If I ever had a doubt, that night I drank the Koolaide.

As Daddy took us home, I just couldn't stop talking about how nice Santa was and how hard his job must be. Daddy just smiled. "Santa" was the local radio announcer, Mr. Guy Kirby, a good friend of my father's. Needless to say, Mr. Kirby had some inside information and was prepared for me. When I was older and learned the truth about my "Miracle on Russell Street" I was in awe of what a father would do to make sure his little girl did not lose the magic of Christmas.

Yearning for Our "Old" Norm

 This is the time of the year when we start thinking about the new year coming up. Just saying 2022 is as if one is talking about the distant future. 55 years ago, I pictured life in 2022 like the Jetsons lived. Certainly by now, we would having flying cars and robotic maids. (Well, thanks to Hazel, at least one of those is true.)

But rather than go to the future, I find we are more likely looking back to the past for comfort. Remember the days when one could visit anyone anywhere with no concern over vaccinations and masks? Think of the family holiday get-togethers when our only trepidation was Uncle Howard showing up, three sheets to wind telling his very inappropriate jokes about the fairer sex and politics.

As I age, I long for the family Christmas dinners of years past. The one with my mother's family that was always a great time. My brother and I got to see our cousins and run free through my grandparents' rambling home. As a younger child, it was Christmas on their farm in Marlboro County. My memories of those holidays were of a dining room table covered with dishes of wild game my grandfather brought home, and all the other familiar foods of a holiday dinner. Thankfully the distant memories of those days are well documented on the home movies my father took. 

Christmas dinner on my Daddy's side was a whole different ball game. My brother and I were the only grandchildren, and according to my Aunt Kat and Granny, we could do no wrong. This visit was always a quiet affair until Auntie (my 300 pound Great Aunt) showed up with her ever present pack of Salem cigarettes and off colored stories. Then the fun really began.

Those years until now seem like a movie reel that is running at reckless speed - way too fast. As we age time really does go by faster. (I wrote a post about that phenomenon a while back.) Just when we are mature enough to appreciate every minute of everyday, we find they passing at lightening speed. 

This year I only yearn for our "old" norm - days when we will no longer be confined by a pandemic. Now I am frustrated by the knowledge that this could quickly go back to that normal if more of the country's population would get vaccinated. But, I digress. 

Once again, I am looking backwards to get to the future, hoping time slows down, and trying to enjoy every day before it slips away. 

 

The season of Lords, Ladies, and Turtle Doves are Upon Us.

 It's that time of year again. That time, when like it or not, the Christmas season is upon us. Once again Thanksgiving is overlooked, much like the red headed step child relegated to the table in the kitchen. Anyway, a true look at the economics of the day, is the price of the 12 Days of Christmas. 2020 was a bit short, given due to Covid there were no: Dancing Ladies, Leaping Lords, Pipers, or Drummers. But as we get back (close) to our old norm - if it exists, all twelve gifts are once again available. Here is the list of the cost of the gifts.

• A Partridge in a Pear Tree - $235.40
• 2 Turtle Doves  -                 $567.00
• 3 French Hens -                  $264.60
• 4 Calling Birds -                 $755.94
• 5 Golden Rings -                $1,190.70
• 6 Laying Geese  -               $775.20
• 7 Swimming Swans -         $14,700.00
• 8 Milking Maids -              $64.96
• 9 Dancing Ladies -            $8,461.82
• 10 Leaping Lords -            $11,200.00
• 11 Piping Pipers -              $3,078.73
• 12 Drummers -                  $3,328.92

For a grand total of $44,623.27

Of course 2020's cost was only $16,168.14 due to the lack of Ladies, Lords, Pipers, and Drummers. 2019's cost was $38,953.59. The 2021 total clearly reflects the inflation that dominates the front pages these days, as compared to 2019, the cost has increased by a little less than $6,000.

Now, as a caveat, with the shipping issues and shortages, the Golden Rings may be a little hard to find. The Lords may have issues getting here, given the Covid travel restrictions and flight cancellations. 

A bit of history here. The song was first published in England in 1780, although its origins are probably French. The current version is an arrangement first published in 1909 by English composer Frederic Austin.  The first day starts with Christmas day and run the 12 days until Epiphany. 

But, all said, and God willing, the 2021 Christmas season will once again enjoy these 79 delights.

Happy Holidays!

Somewhere Between the Ghouls and the Jolly Ol' Elf

This is the time of year when it seems as if the train of life suddenly becomes the Acela. Just a few weeks past July 4th, the stores start filling their aisles with Halloween goods. Before one knows it, there will be inflatable witches on brooms, Draculas posed to pounce on any warm blooded creature that comes near, and round orange pumpkin coaches with happy ghosts hanging out the windows, all atop the stores shelves. 

The worse of all this is the candy - bags and bags of mini bars - Snickers, Milky Ways, Three Musketeers, to name a few. I find these calling from the shelves - 'Buy me, you know you want me, we’re small consider us low calorie.'

Then even before the remaining pumpkins, witches, and vampires are deflated and hidden away, the orange and black morphs into red and green. Now it is the beginning of the 7 weeks of Christmas.  Boxes of colorful balls, bells, and lights fill the aisles. From atop, on the shelves there will be Santas, reindeer, elves, and inflated snow globes. Even the candy aisles turn red and green. After Thanksgiving the air will be filled Christmas music.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, just where in all this madness is Thanksgiving - my personal favorite holiday. Once again this celebration of family and thanks gets lost in the melee of goblins and elves. How can this be? How can the grand American tradition of a festive meal, much like Normal Rockwell depicted be overlooked? Is the remembrance of that first Thanksgiving where the settlers and the Native Americans shared a feast just a pause between All Hallow’s Eve and Yuletide. Are inflated Turkeys, plastic cornucopias, and dancing pilgrims not fancy enough to grace the shelves? 

Hopefully this year, after the worldwide pandemic of the past 15 months, we will all stop and give thanks for the family we have and remember those we have lost. How can anyone not look forward to that obnoxious uncle with his corny jokes or the cousin who embraces goth? Who doesn’t miss the burnt turkey, Aunt Sara’s god awful cauliflower and parsnip casserole, or the unavoidable argument over whether plain corn bread dressing or oyster dressing is preferred. 

This November I look forward to the family get-together, complete with the arguing children, the store bought pumpkin pie, and Aunt Mary and Uncle Al’s late arrival. So let us gather to together to ask the Lord’s blessing . . . to hasten and chasten . . . the wicked oppressing to cease from distressing.