Escape from Reality

 Traditionally commercials after New Year's are about diets, exercise equipment, and vacations in the Caribbean.

I can remember years ago just after Christmas, Talbots would send out their "Resort Catalog". It was like a breath of sunshine and warmth to brighten the cold wet days of February. Were there really folks who could escape the wintry blahs to a tropical paradise? Or worse than that - were there really so many folks with perfect physiques, tanned bodies, having so much fun? Never in my life was I able to run on the beach, in the edge of the surf, wearing a flowing white dress, holding the obligatory straw hat.  

The catalogue was filled with pages of clothes in bright blues, sunny yellows, and festive pinks. I could look past the perfect size 2 models and the smart clothes. All I saw were pages of green grass, sandy white beaches, and palm trees. The locations for the photo shoots were traditionally exclusive private tropical resorts with colonnades of adobe walls, red tile roofs, and fountains. There were waiters in their smart khaki uniforms carrying trays of colorful drinks with little umbrellas in them.  

I will admit that several years ago, I did escape to the West Indies in January. It was like being thrown into a different universe with the warm air, the wide white beaches, and the clear turquoise water. And, yes, there was Juan, dressed in his khaki shorts and crisp white shirt carrying a tray of Bellinis complete with little umbrellas. As much as I enjoyed the trip, I never was that lithe beautiful young woman running through the surf, hat in hand. But, that didn't matter. There was the sun, the sand, the surf, and the Bellinis. This was truly paradise, an escape from reality. 

However that real world quickly returned when we landed in Richmond, Virginia. The weather was dreary and cold with temperatures in 20's and six inches of snow on the ground.  The brisk wind was truly a slap in the face. 

The following morning at work everyone was complaining about the cold. I shared in their misery. The weather was wretched. Thoughts of the warm air and white beaches filled my mind. Was my escape really that sublime? Yes, it was. Calgon, take me away (again). And by the way, where was Juan when I needed him. 

Ah, To Be Able to Go

I was talking several days ago with a friend about traveling. Since March of 2020 and this blasted pandemic, traveling (for pleasure) has pretty much ceased to be. I had a trip planned to Cayman that April, that was cancelled. Looking back on it, had I been able to go, I do not think I would have returned for a long while.

Many of you who know me are aware of my wanderlust and love of traveling. As a psychological fall back, I have always known, if all else fails, I could drop everything and catch a plane to some other place. I always said Aruba. However, for the first time in my life, this pandemic has prevented that vicarious escape. I never thought I would live to see the day when it was not safe to to go ANYWHERE. But, alas for these past 18 months this has been our new norm. 

In total confession, I have taken several plane trips during this time, but they were all stateside. I long for trips to far away places with strange sounding names. Hard to believe, but my last international trip was to Brazil and Argentina 2 years ago. 

As with everyone, I have that list of things I would do with my winnings from the lottery. Top of that list would be a share of Net Jet (ie a fractional jet ownership). With one phone call, I could book a flight anywhere I wanted to go on my schedule. Forego the lines, the screaming children, the inconsiderate fellow passengers talking loudly on their mobile phones. Ah, that would be the life. 

Most folks have a "Bucket List" of things they wish to do before their time comes. Mine is more of a detailed list of destinations. The place I most wanted to visit was Cuba, and thanks to a birthday gift from my oldest daughter, I traveled there. For the record, I would love to go back. It was everything I thought it would be and more. However, there is still much more of the island I wish to see. And, I hope to return before it is developed into a Disney World and Club Med and ruined.

Top of my list is India, followed by Morocco. Rounding out the list is Nepal, Bali, Chili, the Canary Islands, Dubai, the Seychelles, the Maldives, Singapore, Vietnam, Micronesia, Nauru, Vancouver, Toronto, Banff, Cayman Brac, and Portugal (in no particular order.) Also, I would love to go back to the Cote D'azure, Argentina, London, and a few other places in Europe. (I can always dream!)

However, for now my passport sits on my dresser. There is also the issue of time and money, both I will need a lot of - but those are just details.

Back to the Future Without an E-Ticket

44 years ago, in the summer of 1977, I had the privilege of traveling around Europe with a good friend of mine. 

My father believed that my brother deserved a larger allowance and a new car given he would be dating and he would need the resources. While I was on a reduced allowance and drove a used AMC Gremlin because, after all in his mind - I would be dating and therefore, someone else would be paying for my dining and entertainment. Ah, but the days of southern chivalry were long gone before the 70's. However trying to explain that to my father was hopeless. Ironically he did not think twice about funding a trip to Europe. That, he saw (thankfully) as an experience everyone could learn from. But, I digress.

We set off from Lyon (after a Maymester class in France) armed with our Eurail Pass. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with a Eurail Pass, in those days this was the equivalent to a Disney E-ticket. (Showing my age, the original "E-ticket" was the ultimate ride ticket at Disney world on a scale that started with "A" - being the Mad Hatter Tea Cups to "E" that got you on Space  Mountain.) This magical pass allowed one to travel first class on any train, anywhere in Europe. And, at that time, the price for the pass was very reasonable. Better yet, unlike the US, most of Europe is accessible by train.

The trains were mostly new, well run, comfortable, reliable, fast, and always on time. Our pass not only gave us First Class seats but if we were on a night train, we had access to sleeper accommodations (that afforded us breakfast service of tea, jam, and fresh warm croissants served in our "room"). This came in handy when we were unable to find a place to stay due to lack of suitable or affordable hotels. If all else failed, we could take an overnight train to Amsterdam, usually the furthermost destination from wherever we found ourselves. Then the next morning we would take a short train ride to another destination we had yet to visit.

All this reminiscence comes forward to America's train service, or lack there of today. Amtrak has struggled for years to break even and serve the country. My experience  several years ago was an example. Where as in Europe, there is a train system from small towns to the major cities that crisscrosses the continent, in the States a few lines go up the Eastern Seaboard, across the country east to west, and up and down the west coast. Only the northeast has a decent train system, but even that is lacking.

Notification that our train was delayed was made in red pen on a small white board propped up at the ticket window. Unfortunately that notification was updated often given the delay ended up being almost 90 minutes. I will admit that Amtrak has a text messaging system that notifies passengers who had registered their cell phone numbers of the delays - however it lags behind the white board.

Instead of having a ticket with a seat number and designation as you board the train, your paper or phone is swiped electronically - new age! Then your seat is assigned (in some mysterious system) by an Amtrak employee crossing your name off a piece of paper as you step on the train. After you are seated (in your assigned seat) another employee comes and sticks a torn piece of paper with your destination handwritten on the luggage rack above your row. (Something akin to "Paddington" pinned to the Bear).

No doubt as one makes their way up the north east corridor and boards the Acela (the high speed upscale train that runs from Boston to DC) they will find themselves on board a modern train, that travels at high speeds offering amenities and comforts professional travelers expect. Customers can enjoy the Acela Cafe with fresh salads and craft beers. So I can say in this case after 44 years we have gone back to the future. 

Comparing my experience riding the train these days, as pleasant as it is, to the many train rides I enjoyed across Europe in 1977, I may as well have been  running through a pillar at King's Cross Station in London to find Platform 9¾ and catch the Hogwarts Express to Hogsmeade Station. It was hard to fathom that this was a mode of transportation, a quasi-government funded entity, of one of the most powerful nations in the world. 

Yes, we can send a man to the moon, develop nano technology (that only Michael Crichton can explain in his novel "Prey"),  design phones that are smarter than their users, yet we cannot make our trains run on time. Where is that DeLorean when we need it?

To the Moon Alice

 I read this week that United Airlines plans to reintroduce Super Sonic travel in 2029 (which scarily is only 8.5 years away). This heartens back to  the hey day of the Concorde, the super sonic program developed jointly by France and Britain. Between 1976 and 2003 for the price of $7,995 a seat (equivalent to around $13,000 in today's dollars) one could travel at the speed of Mach 2 from London to New York. 

This means flying twice the speed of sound, in less that 3 hours (vs a bit less than 7 hours on a standard passenger jet), one could cross the Atlantic in pure luxury. Flying on the Concorde was more than just a fast way to get some where. Passengers enjoyed 3 course fine dining  with menus that may have included Angus beef, Scottish smoked salmon, caviar, lobster, guinea fowl, truffles, foie gras, and champagne, as well as high end cocktails and fine wines. Speaking of wines, the Concorde had its own wine 'cellar' stocked with fine French wines and champagne.

There were other offerings, such as Cuban cigars. Remember the days when one could smoke on airplanes - up until the late 1980's.

The experience started with the exclusive "Concorde Lounges" at each airport that serviced the super sonic jet and its passengers. Once on the plane, there was an understanding that anything not tethered down could be taken home (cutlery, luggage tags, cutlery, bottle openers, matches, coasters, and vanity kits). In addition, the price of the ticket included swag for each passenger such as Wedgwood paperweights and circular trays, Smythson of Bond Street notebooks, silver photo frames, letter openers, leather drinks coasters, hip flasks, and leather bags - each embossed, engraved, or etched with the iconic Concorde symbol .

Traveling at Mach 2 allowed passengers to actually see the curvature of the Earth. However that was a bit difficult given the windows were very small. One had to remember the super sonic Concorde was really a glorified fighter jet - that offered champagne and Cuban cigars. 

I love to travel and enjoy flying (even in today's trying circumstances). Flying on the Concorde was always on my bucket list . At least  until 2003, when the service was stopped. That was 3 years after the crash of Air France flight 4590 that killed all the passengers and crew aboard. After an extensive investigation, it was determined that the cause of the crash was not the super sonic jet but rather a piece of debris  on the runway that fell off an earlier passenger jet.

There have been several times I have flown 1st Class, always on an upgrade or using my airline points. And it was great, not worth the price of $1,000 plus per seat, but a more enjoyable and comfortable way to travel.

So thanks to United Airlines, I may be able to check this off my list after all. Good thing, I have 8 years to save my nickels and dimes for the $13,000 fare. Ironically, for that price, wouldn't one want the experience to last more than a mere 3 hours?

Far Away places with strange sounding names

I know, I know, as my Daddy used to say, "To each there own." But there are some times I just question someone's sanity - not their taste, God Bless them, or who they keep company with. But life is just too short to waste vacation time in some miserable place, doing some wretched activity, or having to put up with obnoxious people. The following is a list of vacations that I personally know folks who have these on their "Bucket List", dream of the day they will be able to take this trip, or have already had the experience and will not stop talking about the "once in a lifetime" adventure.

First, a caveat, there is no intention to offend anyone. If your dream vacation is listed here, then I hope you get to go there and return - often. That is what makes the world go 'round and keeps the economy going.

That said, here we go:

(10) Running with Bulls in Pamplona. No, not there to watch, take photos, and enjoy tapas and sangria but actually running your hiney off down a narrow street in the crowd of other insane idiots just seconds in front of pissed off Bulls with serious horns that are aimed your way.

(9) Diving off the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Yes, it is the largest and probably most endangered reef in the world. But first let's consider its takes a 4 day flight to get there. OK, only 25 hours from the east coast of the U.S. But still that is a long expensive trip to snorkel and dive all the while taking a chance to be poisoned by a venomous jellyfish, the toxins of Lion fish and Stone fish as well as a Blue Ringed Octopus (for which there is no known antidote), not to mention the vicious sharks that patrol the reef.

(8) Antarctica. Why not just stick your head in your freezer for several hours? Spoiler - it's cold and frozen. Save your money and find the National Geographic special on the continent. If you have to brag that you have set foot on every continent, take a quick trip King George Island (one of the South Shetland Islands in Argentina). You can check it off your list and the islands are relatively ice free. Or you can just make it up. How many of the rest of us are going to know what you are talking about anywhere.

(7) Lego Land - Sure I played with them - but planning a vacation around these small building blocks?

(6) Atlantic City - I don't care for salt water taffy, I don't gamble, and I have no desire to be anywhere close to the location of the reality show "Jersey Shore". And, besides, any place that lists "Ripley's Believe it Not" as one of the Top Ten places one needs to visit when coming there just doesn't sound like some place I would enjoy.

(5) Gatlinburg, Tennessee - Streets full of rubber street emporia selling baubles, doodads, novelties, trinkets, and kitsch. No doubt salt water taffy is in there somewhere. It is not hard to find shelves of Cherokee Native American crafts (all made in China).

(4) Myrtle Beach - the once seaside location of small clubs playing Carolina Beach music, now columns of concrete condos lining the beach. Acres of golf courses, goofy golf, pancake houses, "Ripley's Believe It or Not", and everything found in #5 Gatlinburg

(3) Area 51 in southern Nevada. If you're not familiar move along, only believers and conspiracy theorists need venture there.

(2) The Leaning Tower of Pisa . . . I just don't get it.

(1) And my idea of Hell - an all inclusive Christmas Bus Trip to Branson Missouri that includes 5 days on a "luxury" coach with 39 other people, accommodations in a 3 star hotel (double occupancy only), all meals included (no choice there, most likely all buffet), a tour guide (to make sure no one ventures off on their own), and a personalized fanny pack and large tag to wear around your neck that identifies you as someone on a bus tour to Branson Missouri, as if you were not in enough pain and anguish. Just saying.