Fried Chicken, Lightn' Bugs, Hair Spray, Bubba, and Baby

Memorial Day, this year in particularly, is the "opening" of summer. It is when school is out (or close to being out). Swimming pools are uncovered. Some say that Memorial Day is the first time it is fittin' to wear white. Personally, I have always thought it to be Easter, but that's just me. That brings to mind other customs, traditions, and beliefs, sometimes referred to as archaic, that are still embedded in our psyche.

Wearing white shoes (with the exception of athletic shoes) after the first Monday in September shows that you were either raised reared in a barn, have no sense of pride, or, when it comes to clothes - are totally uncouth.

One can tell the status of a family by the ratio of meat dishes over all other types of food brought by friends, neighbors, and loved ones when a member of the family dies. If you want to get into the weeds, look at the ratio of fried chicken over ham.

 

Show up as a hostess at a luncheon with store bought cookies or a cake in the box, and there's a good chance  you'll  get thrown out of the Service League (and maybe run out of town in shame).

Some women still frown upon those who put dark meat in their chicken salad. Adding grapes is still questionable (however the Food Chanel may justify that one).

Down here "Firefly" is a type of British shoe or vodka. "Lightn' Bugs" are the magical creatures that light up the yard at dusk.

Don't ask us for directions and expect to understand the landmarks, "Go to the red light, turn right and go down a piece until you come to the old Piggly Wiggly. Turn left, and after a mile or two there will be John McDean's Store, it's a Shell station, no maybe Esso, I can't remember. Turn right just after the store and you will see the place you are looking for on the left. But if you come to the burnt tree you have gone too far." (Of course the Piggly Wiggly closed 12 years ago and there is a Dollar Store there now, McDean's Store is an Exxon station, and the burnt tree fell down a while back, but we all know where it is - you can't miss that long curve.)

Going out in public with wet hair is beneath us.

Hair spray was created for southern women and we are in mourning for the aerosol can. Hair "Products" may be more environmentally friendly and easier on your tresses, but nothing holds big hair like good ol' hairspray.

A southern woman always has a casserole (or two) in the freezer in case an emergency arises such as a friend or relative suddenly taking ill. This allows us to show up prepared with a home cooked meal.

A string of pearls can be worn with anything.

We have been monogramming our sheets, towels, and the collars of our children's Peter Pan shirts long before the fad and we will still be adding our initials and monograms to such items long after this whim fades away.

We name our children some odd names, but they are family names we are proud of, so get over it. And, so what if we  go beyond Jr.'s and have the 3rd's and 4th's. Then there are the nicknames - Bubba, Jr., Skeeter, Little Bob. Sweetie, Baby,  Sport, and Honeybunch are truly terms of endearment.

And, yes, College Football, is a religion down here, along with good BBQ. 

Bottom line, honey, if you don't get it,  Bless Your Heart,we really don't care. It's not like our feelings are going to be hurt.

The Coup de Grace of Ignorance in the South

 As polite and friendly as the Southern culture is famous for, there are many faux pas that can occur when one doesn't know any better. Just one of these alone can trip up the mere mortal. Then there are the cardinal sins, some so egregious they can bring about a fate worse than death.That said here is a short list of those missteps, mistakes, no nos, and gaffes that are frowned upon. 

Putting dark meat in your chicken salad is one. I have known some ladies who found an invitation to join the local garden club rescinded for this misjudgment. 

Showing up at the Junior League meeting with store bought cookies is another. And if they are still in the plastic container, you may as well leave town. This is the type sin that will bring disgrace on the family for generations. 

A third is forgetting to put flowers in the church when it is one's assigned Sunday. Worse yet, forgetting to remove the dead arrangement prior to the following Sunday service. This can be the kiss of death, especially if the lady placing flowers on the alter that following Sunday is one known to gossip. 

While on the subject of flowers, it is frowned upon, let me rephrase that, one should never leave plastic flowers on a grave - not even the 'realistic' silk blossoms. Not only is this seen as disrespectful to the dearly departed, it is down right tacky. 

Wearing white to a funeral or black to a Deb ball - enough said. 

 Commenting about a lady's weight in mixed company. Even if it is so, one doesn't want to seem petty. 
 

Re-gifting a wedding gift or any gift for that matter, of course that is unless you can do it without getting caught.

Not using Duke's Mayonnaise in your chicken salad or your deviled eggs. Nothing else will do. . . period. 

And you thought wearing white shoes prior to Easter or after Labor Day was the only thing to worry about. If so, bless your heart, you can't help it, you just don't know any better.