Seven Swans a Swimming

On to the 7th Day of Christmas which is represented by 7 Swans A-swimming. This was seen as the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments: Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Matrimony, and Holy Orders. In Medieval times, owning swans signaled nobility. To serve a swan at a feast was the mark of elevated social status, a prestigious item on the banqueting tables of medieval England. Charles Darwin commented it was like venison mixed with wild duck.

Whatever. Today that means that Christmas is in the books. The year has come to an end. Thinking back on this day last year, we all had hopes that the awful pandemic was on the way out. Certainly by Christmas of 2021 we would be back to normal. After all the new vaccine to prevent the virus had been introduced earlier that month in 2020. We all breathed a sigh of relief. It was only a matter of time before most Americans would be vaccinated and at worse this virus would become another "flu" among us. Just one more malady we could prevent with annual shot.

Little did we know that so many would resist the vaccine. But I will not go down that rabbit hole. It is what it is and we are where we are. Just 13 months ago I was familiar with the term "Epidemic" but was not quite sure just what the term "pandemic" implied. Now those 2 words along with "endemic" are part of our everyday lexicon. I pray before we cross the Rubicon and we find ourselves in a time a when Covid19 is seen as endemic. 

All that aside, I am optimistic for the coming year. Perhaps I will be able to lose the pounds I gained over the holidays. Maybe I will get my closets cleaned out. Could this be the year I simplify my life? Probably not, given I have had these on my list of "resolutions" for the past dozen or so years. 

I could be ambitious and add "Learn a new Language" to my list of intentions. But given I am still trying to manage English, that may be a bit much.  There are always those 2 books I promised myself I would finish - 2 years ago. And my kitchen cabinets that need to be organized. Given my age, a steady exercise regimen would be helpful. 

No, this year I will be pragmatic, reasonable, practical, sensible, realistic. Perhaps it is time to be honest. As good as my intentions have been over the many years, I know there will be no diet, no exercise, and little organization. At my age, shouldn't I live in the moment? Why should I be shackled by a list of good intentions? 

Six Geese A-laying

We move on to the 6th Day of Christmas and "Six Geese A-Laying". Six referring to the days of creation before God's rest on the seventh day.  The eggs represent creation itself, new life.

All this is cloak and dagger about the lyrics of the song and the hidden meanings. Roman Catholics were not allowed to worship in public until 1829. So, what did the Catholic Church do? They wrote a carol in a secret code about birds, maids, lords, and a tree as a type of catechism to educate young Catholics about God and the Bible. Let's assume those children were very much the wiser.  I dare say there are few of us educated adults who understood that the carol was truly about the four gospels, the Pentateuch, creation, etc.  But, I digress.

Onto the matter at hand. The past 10 days have been ones of celebration. There have been dinner tables filled with dishes, casseroles, and platters of roast beast and parties where we grazed among friends. Don't forget baskets of baked goods from the well wishing co-workers and neighbors. And, all sorts of chocolates and chocolates and more chocolates.

Now we must face the scales that have inched up, the zippers that no longer zip, and the pants that no longer fit. It is time for moderation, exercise, and diets. Yet, I have boxes and bags of these delights calling from the kitchen counter . . . "Come hither, enjoy!".  I feel my only choice is to consume all these confectioneries, so I will no longer be tempted.  

Perhaps we are missing the last gift, 13 Waltzing Wood Ducks, code for 13 Days of guilt. 

And By the Fifth It Was Over

I can now take a deep breath and relax. Well, that is before I begin the onerous task of taking down the tree, changing the wreath on the front door (only if I can find my winter wreath to replace it), and ridding the coffee table of carolers. Yes on paper I am an Episcopalian and all this should stay put until the magi arrive. But the madness has ended and I need to cleanse my house. Wise men aside, I cannot wait until the 12th day for a holiday cleanse.

Our four "Christmases" are over. The Fifth Day of Christmas has arrived but not my Five Rings. I wasn't sure I was looking for golden pieces of jewelry or elegant game birds. Either way they must be lost in transit. Trust me, I am not mourning.

I have great expectations for the day. My list is long and ambitious. There are visions in my head of a clean den, an uncluttered kitchen, and fresh linens neatly folded and in their proper place. But then Mama always said I had a vivid imagination.

Five Golden Rings

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 5 Golden Rings. First of all, the "Rings" are not jewelry one wears on their hand, rather it refers to the yellow bands around the necks of Gold Finches. Then there are some who speculate the "gold rings" refer to the rings around the necks of  pheasants. Whatever, they are not 14 karat.

Contrary to what we all were brought up to believe, it is not fowl nor jewelry, rather the Pentateuchthe - the first five books of the Old Testament: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.  These are also seen as the history of the man's fall from grace.

All that aside, now that we have a partridge, a pear tree, turtle doves, hens, collie birds, and gold finches (or pheasants), the references have taken a dark turn.  So much for the joyous carol about holiday dancers, swans, and dairy maidens. So now we have gone from caroling about Faith, Hope and Charity to references to the fall of man

In reality, I doubt many of us, on the fifth day, even the Catholics, Anglicans, and Episcopalians, are truly worried about the references to books in the Bible and man's fall from grace. There are more pressing things. Where did Aunt Matilda find that purple vase with the etchings of fighting bulls on it? In all fairness, I could not re-gift that to my worst enemy. There is also the ultimate quandary - do we smugly eat all the rich chocolate we received or give it away to save ourselves from the guilt of doing so. On a more serious note, I was sorely disappointed that I awoke on Boxing Day to find that the fairies did not take down my Christmas Tree and, alas, the task is left to me. 

Four Calling Birds

More fowl? Seriously? Yes, but we have been wrong all these years. It is not a "Calling" bird, rather it is a "Collie" or "Colly" bird. This refers to a black bird. In Theological terms the "4" refers to the Four gospels (and Apostles), Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

On a secular level Blackbirds are messengers that may haunt the soul, or a curiosity into the mystical elements of the animal and spirit realms. As Poe historically wrote about  the Raven (another black bird). "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, . . "  But I digress.

The query at hand is when do the decorations come down? This is the time when we question our sanity in having to decorate every room in the house.  Just because there were so many choices on Pinterest did we really need a wreath on every outside door?

Are you the traditionalist with plans to remove it all before New Years. Or do you fall into the faithful category, waiting until the kings reached the Christ Child with their gifts on Epiphany. 

Who's idea was it to place globes of glass ornaments on so many pieces of furniture? And to double the number of lights on the tree? Did we really need to replace all the hand towels in the bathrooms and tea towels in the kitchen with holiday themed linens? Thankfully I no longer display the large detailed Christmas village with it's animated ice rink, lit snow covered streets, and miniature porcelain carolers. 

As a side note I remember my mother's table displays complete with angel hair (aka spun glass), not the best choice to use with children in the house given it looked just like cotton candy. And the tree lights the size of your thumb that would heat a large size living room, not to mention the dangerous thinly covered electric wires running around and through a live tree that is in the process of drying out.

As I struggle to get the lights off the tree and all the ornaments back into their boxes with minimal damage, I promise to myself that I will simplify my life. 

"Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Three French Hens

I await my French Hens (it being the third day of Christmas).  Research says that the "Three" represents Faith, Hope, and Love".  But I digress.

However, no one ever stated in the song whether they were dressed and ready to be frozen or baked. Or, whether they were alive and kicking. Please, God, let they be the former. I do not need any more livestock. There was a reason I never got around to taking a class in slaughtering and dressing out a live bird.

In the song they never commented whether the hens were moving about or in a dish. Funny, references to some of the other fowl was more explicit. The Geese were laying. Those very expensive Swans were swimming. And that Partridge was always in the Pear Tree. Come to think of it, out of the 74 gifts, 23 are fowl (well actually 28 if you count the Five Golden Rings as Ring-neck Gold Finches which was the original intent.)

I guess I best not hold my breath since neither the Partridge, the Pear, nor the Turtle Doves have showed up yet. Perhaps I should not count my French Hens before they arrive - alive, baked, broiled, or fried.

Two Turtles Doves and All the Mess Left Over

Well, it's all over, Christmas Day that is. The Elf on the shelf has returned to the North Pole for 11 months. (Lots of help is.)  The 'fridge is full of leftovers - which is an issue, given most of us have sworn to start a serious diet immediately. Well, at least starting January 1. All the exquisite dark chocolate candy that calls to you like a siren saying "Enjoy it ALL now because the reality of calories is coming quickly".

The den is littered with discarded ribbons and paper, unless you were anal and collected paper as it was torn from packages in the excitement of Christmas morning. There is the stack of boxes on the side table of gifts that did not make the cut:  the pants that are too tight (thank you Aunt Mary for thinking I wore a smaller size), the sweater in that God Awful green (that your cousin Jan explained was going to be "the" green for the spring), and that "As Seen on TV" gadget that supposedly organizes the dashboard of your car. And, of course, there is that bottle of perfume someone, you cannot remember who, gave you. 

There is also the piece of the puzzle that was lost in the excitement of Christmas morning, that you hope did not get thrown out with the paper. Under the tree are the 2 sad looking presents you have yet get to their recipients. 

All in all another one is in the books. Now there are 5 days or so of Christmas purgatory. You wonder what possessed you to put up all these damn decorations. Note to self: next year remember minimalism is much better. And the ever present decision: when does the tree come down? You are torn between "immediately" and "How long can I wait before tackling that project". The thought crosses your mind, "What would happen if I just threw the whole thing out, lights, tinsel, glass balls, and all?" It is very tempting.

A belated Joyeux Noël to all. 

The Trials of the Yule Log

Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said I am certifiably insane, with the crown, the sash, and the apron (in this case.) 

Most people who know me are aware that I love to cook. I am very  fearless in the kitchen. Many years ago I decided that I was going to be a bit adventuresome and bake a fairly complicated Lemon Doberge cake - for a family reunion no less. The recipe consisted of 3 pages of directions and 14 ingredients. It required one to make a lemon custard, a fluffy moist white cake, and delicate lemon frosting. 5 hours later when finished one would have a delicious 7 layer cake with deep yellow lemon custard between each layer, covered in a white frosting with bits of lemon zest. One would also find one's self seeking long term counseling.

Fast forward, I, in some moment of total dementia, decided this year to make a Chocolate Yule Log. I'd never made one before. I had seen them in magazines and tasted wonderful ones made by professional bakers. It is a chocolate cake that looks like a log. How hard could it be?

I did my research into recipes and found 3 I liked. After reading through the 3 I saw that I preferred the cake by the Pioneer Woman's recipe, the filling by Bon Appetite, and the chocolate ganache from Delish's site. I prepared a shopping list, procured the necessary ingredients, and assembled the various pots, pans, and dishes I thought I would need. My Chromebook was relocated to the kitchen counter with all 3 web sites open. 

The first part was to make the cake. I measured out all of my ingredients and commenced. I whipped the 6 egg whites in one bowl. While doing so I combined the dry ingredients - the flour, cocoa, the sugar, and baking powder into a 2nd bowl and added the vanilla. Next, according to the screen, I added the egg yokes to a 3rd bowl and started the mixer. I checked the recipe, "Once the mixer starts with the egg yokes, slowly add the sugar and vanilla, before the flour mixture ...." At that point I looked in horror at the bowl containing the combined dry ingredients with the sugar, cocoa, etc . I panicked. Was this the correct cake recipe? 

Checking, yes, this was the correct one. However I realized that I had incorrectly read the instructions for the Bon Appetite cake recipe in preparing the ingredients, and was now reading the correct recipe of the Pioneer Woman to mix the ingredients. 

Back to the mess at hand. In vane, I tried to scoop the sugar off the top of the cocoa mix. Somehow I managed to get a 1/4 cup of sugar contaminated by a bit of cocoa into the egg yokes. How badly did I really want to make this cake after all? The thrill of the experience was long gone. But somehow I got all the ingredients into the mixer, (not necessarily in the correct order), prepared the batter, and got it into the pan. Looking at it as I slid it into the oven, I noticed it was a light brown color, not the rich dark color shown in the lovely photographs. Oh well.

On to the next step. Scanning down the page . . . "Cake", "Filling" , "Meringue Mushrooms"." Meringues? What bloody meringues?  Who knew mushrooms were part of the yule log?

Back and forth I flipped between the 3 recipes. In getting ready to the prepare the filling, I started gathering the ingredients:  "Whipping cream, Sugar, Cream Cheese, Sour Cream . . . " Wait, there was no sour cream or cream cheese in the recipe. I shortly realized I was reading the recipe for Delish's filling, not Bon Appetite's. This cake was slowly developing a multiple personality issue. 

I was able to to get the filling put together, sans cream cheese and sour cream. I'll spare you the remaining sordid details. 2 Dishwasher loads of pots, pans, and in-sundry utensils I had managed to bake the cake, add the filling, and get it into the 'fridge to chill for several hours before icing it. I had also managed to bake a batch of meringue mushroom pieces to be assembled in accordance to paragraphs 10-12 of the recipe. I delayed assembling those until the morning.

Wait, paragraphs 13-14 refer to "Sugared Cranberries". Great, if I read further no doubt I'll find the "Marshmallow Bunnies" that certainly live on the log with the mushrooms and the cranberries. No doubt a plain Chocolate Roll without the woodland features would taste just as good. A little late now.

Of Many One, Yet Each to Their Own

 There are some times I just want to yell, "Stop the Weihnachtspyramide (aka Christmas carousel), I want to get off." This is one time of year I feel that way. Christmas Day is fast approaching.

We can count on some political difference that will arise just as we sit down to eat along with some disagreement over football predictions. There are the in-laws, the out-laws, the folks being introduced to the family for the first time (God help them), and thank goodness, the neighbors who will keep us all fairly civilized less we embarrass ourselves in front of God and everybody. But all in all it is family, our family, gnarly tree and all, with its dysfunction, warts, and skeletons. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

This season is where I start to have an issue. Our society has changed. As we have moved into this century and our population has become more diverse, the number of religions practiced in these united states has increased. At the same time, like it not, we have become more secular. This is not to say we have all become devil worshipers or joined a Wicca cult. Life is just more complicated. 

I am tired of hearing "Keep the Christ in Christmas" just as I am weary of protests against the creche on the town square. Yes, the Christmas season was orginally the time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of God and leader of the Christian faith. But Christianity is just one of many religions among us. In trying to keep Peace on Earth (or at least at home) and Goodwill Toward Men, perhaps we should look around and accept that we are a nation of many. With the exception of the Native Americans, we all arrived here from foreign soil bringing our many faiths and beliefs with us. My father's family came from Scotland only 4 generations ago. My mother's family was orginally from Wales and Scotland. 

Some people say, I just wish Christmas was like it was in the ol' days. You know, like one sees in the works by Norman Rockwell or Courier and Ives. Well, it pretty much is - those paintings are of families gathering, festive outdoor scenes, sleighs in the snow - all the nostalgia we hold so dear. It is everyone's right to celebrate the holiday as they wish or not. It should also be everyone's place to respect those who do not share your values or norms. We have moved on, like it or not. 

No one is taking away the celebration of Christ's birth, the churches will still have their services. Albeit practicing social distancing as we all come together. (Only in these days does this make sense.) Yes, the commercial side is here to stay, thanks to Coca Cola's iconic picture of Santa Claus in 1931 and Francis Pharcellus Church's answer to little Virginia O'Hallon's letter to the editor in 1897. Fighting among us to define the modern Christmas season is about as effective as asking 5 blind men to describe an elephant - everyone has their own personal take on it.

Rather fight for turf and declare what Christmas SHOULD be, perhaps in this busy world when we never spend as much time as we should with one another and never have as much time together to build memories for the future as we did years ago, let's be thankful for the holiday season from Thanksgiving to New Years. Whether you are a devout Christian celebrating the birth of Christ, a member of the Jewish faith celebrating Hanukkah, an African American sharing Kwanza with your family, a Buddist honoring Rohatsu, a Pagan worshiping the Solstice, or just someone who wants to take the time to stop and celebrate life and the joy of those around us - this is the one time we can. 

I was reminded of this just this morning when I was reading about Starbucks taking the "Merry Christmas" and other Christmas motifs off their red coffee cups for the season for fear of offending some. The malls no longer put up "Christmas Trees" - they are now "Holiday Trees". And it is hard to find "Christmas Cards" in the Hallmark store. Shouldn't we drop the political correctness and embrace each other. I am not offended by the menorah that I may see displayed or holiday lights in blue white of the Jewish faith. Kwanza decorations do not threaten me. Instead this all reminds me that of many we are one. We should embrace all beliefs and move forward.

A horrid correlation could be to the Third Reich in Germany as they ascended to power, Germans found everything for the people homogenized - just as the Fuhrer wanted. We don't want it all the same, we don't need any one group fussing that they "were first", it is "their holiday", no more than we want laws that say it is all just a "Holiday" versus what it is to you. As far as I'm concerned, you should be able to enjoy the holidays, celebrate them as you wish, and call them what you want to. Have we become a nation of wimps with tender feelings hurt by the threat of change and diversity? 

Yes, there is a reason for the season - to celebrate life, love, and family. To carry on whatever traditions you may have, crazy as they may be. But more than that, it is a time for us to respect our neighbors as they celebrate as they wish, call it what they may, and perhaps we can learn something along the way. 

As for Starbucks and their red cups. I know still what they stand for. I would like to see "Merry Christmas" and the traditional motifs return but that is their decision. After all it is not what is on the cup - it what is in it. As for the holidays - its not what they are called but how we choose to celebrate them and more importantly that we do have the right and freedom to choose as we wish.

As Toby Kieth said;

"Red solo cup you're more than just plastic

You're more than amazing you're more than fantastic

And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic

When I look at you and say [ ] you're not just a cup."

Mix and Match Venues, Characters, and Plots

Randomly, I came upon a list of the top "50" Hallmark Christmas Movies. Whoever wrote the snippets for this list does the best job ever of capturing the camp of these movie plots.

To be fair there are only 5 or 6 plots recycled - over and over and over. Only the names and a few minor details are changed. Characters can be single moms, single dads, widowed or divorced. They can be famous country music stars or doctors or shop owners. There is always a "best friend" involved somewhere. Whatever, the plot is still some iteration of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, there is a tender touch (usually wiping off a bit off food from the other's face or removing a stray eye lash), an interrupted kiss, a misunderstanding, a reconciliation at the very end, and everyone lives happily ever after. Cue the lights and credits.

The venues often include an inn, a farm, a winery, a small town, or a ski lodge as locations. Standard characters usually include a jilted girl, a damaged boy, a prince, (rarely a princess), a doctor, or a handy man. You can count on the story ending with a ball, a gala, a Christmas pageant, a fund raiser, or a wedding. Pick one from each column and voila, a Hallmark Christmas movie is born.

Of the 50 chosen movies on the list, the best description by far was the following:

The Nine Lives of Christmas (2014)

Hallmark officially lost its damn mind with this movie about a vet and fireman who bond over a stray cat. I can’t promise that no felines were emotionally damaged in the process of making this film.

At least some one around can still give an honest review and also have a sense of humor. A stray cat? Seriously? 

Back into Lock Down We Go

 Damn! We are facing another lock down. Just for the record I have had both of my vaccinations and my booster (more than a month ago). I am very confident should I get the dreaded Omicron variant, the symptoms will be mild and I will avoid hospitalization. As Americans, we are extremely lucky to have had access to very effective vaccines since last spring, as well as boosters. 

Personally, citizens who fail or refuse to get vaccinations are being irresponsible to themselves, their family, and co-workers, as well as the public in general. And, for many it is too late. Yes, there are still vaccines and boosters available, although it takes weeks for them to establish protection after one is inoculated. They may be too late to protect those who chose not to protect themselves. 

There are so many people, like lemmings off the cliff, who have followed the false advice of anti-vaccine pundits. This begs the question: are your politics worth your life? After all one cannot vote after they have assumed room temperature. We hear many stories of un-vaccinated people begging for the vaccine as they were being intubated.  Or, pleas from former anti-vaccine advocates who contracted the virus and suffered severe symptoms, to those who may have followed their advice, not to make same mistake. They finally have found religion and regret their decision to not take advantage of the vaccines.

As Americans, anyone desiring protection or not, have had the opportunity, since this past spring to get vaccinated. To avoid the taunts of their anti-vaccine friends and coworkers, who yell and scream about the conspiracy of the shots, anyone could easily have gone out of town and secretly gotten the vaccine. Keeping their decision secret, they could avoid the worse of the symptoms or death. 

Nothing irritates me more than being vaccinated yet still having to wear a mask to protect those who chose not to be vaccinated and often also choose not to wear a mask. I am taking measures to protect their health when they are not willing to do so themselves. (Yes, I realize there are those who are compromised - organ recipients, the infirm elderly, diabetics and such. Their situation is precarious at best when often even the vaccines cannot prevent the virus.) I am not only responsible enough to get the available protection, I try to follow the CDC guidelines that could have saved so many deaths had everyone done so. 

True, I chose to travel to New York this past week. I was heartened to find that in the city to enter all restaurants, Broadway shows, and many shops, patrons had to show proof of vaccination and matching ID. The city had a mask mandate in all other indoor facilities for those vaccinated or not.  The federal government has reinstated the mask mandate for all airports and on airplanes. There were no exceptions here, even for those non-believers.

Once again, I stand on my soap box and plea for my doubting friends and colleagues to get vaccinated, whether they listen to anti-vaccine conspirators or not. Over 805,000 of our fellow Americans have succumbed to this deadly pandemic. How many more need to lose their lives before those who doubt the safety of the vaccine take the responsible decision to get vaccinated.

For the record that number of deaths (as of today) is more than the population of states such as New Jersey, Delaware, Vermont, Wyoming, and Guam. More than the populations of such Cities as Indianapolis, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, Boston, Nashville, Las Vegas, Detroit, or Baltimore to name a few. Imagine the entire population of one of these states or cities just being wiped off the map. Pretty much puts it in perspective.

If I have offended anyone, I am only trying to save suffering and lives. I offer no apologies. Like most Americans, I pine for the return of our normal lives. I can only follow the advice and guidance of the experts who speak from science, rather than those who promote "the conspiracy". Yet many of these are these themselves are vaccinated. I’m not sure what’s worse, a person who speaks from ignorance or a hypocritical pundit. 

Unlike a lemming off a cliff, often I feel like a voice crying in the wilderness.