Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Mix and Match Venues, Characters, and Plots

Randomly, I came upon a list of the top "50" Hallmark Christmas Movies. Whoever wrote the snippets for this list does the best job ever of capturing the camp of these movie plots.

To be fair there are only 5 or 6 plots recycled - over and over and over. Only the names and a few minor details are changed. Characters can be single moms, single dads, widowed or divorced. They can be famous country music stars or doctors or shop owners. There is always a "best friend" involved somewhere. Whatever, the plot is still some iteration of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, there is a tender touch (usually wiping off a bit off food from the other's face or removing a stray eye lash), an interrupted kiss, a misunderstanding, a reconciliation at the very end, and everyone lives happily ever after. Cue the lights and credits.

The venues often include an inn, a farm, a winery, a small town, or a ski lodge as locations. Standard characters usually include a jilted girl, a damaged boy, a prince, (rarely a princess), a doctor, or a handy man. You can count on the story ending with a ball, a gala, a Christmas pageant, a fund raiser, or a wedding. Pick one from each column and voila, a Hallmark Christmas movie is born.

Of the 50 chosen movies on the list, the best description by far was the following:

The Nine Lives of Christmas (2014)

Hallmark officially lost its damn mind with this movie about a vet and fireman who bond over a stray cat. I can’t promise that no felines were emotionally damaged in the process of making this film.

At least some one around can still give an honest review and also have a sense of humor. A stray cat? Seriously? 

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