My Life A Bit South of Normal

Friday, June 22, 2018

Just Shut Up!

Seeing Cora and Don, John said, "I think it's time to go."

Flora protested, "Not yet."


Don was standing there holding Cora's hand. Cora added, "Do you really need to leave?"

In total frustration, John said, "Yes, I think we do.

Before they left, Don reached down and gave Cora a long kiss. Then he whispered something in her ear. Cora just smiled.

After they had left, Flora turned to Cora, "What was all that about?"

"What do you mean?

"The 2 of you on the sofa. Honestly!

"Oh Flora, you were right. I don't know why I ever questioned you. It was much easier than I thought it would be. Of course I read that book you gave me 3 times. And, I followed the instructions."

"Seriously?"

Cora smiled, "Well, all I can say it that Don said I was really good."

She paused "Oh it was wonderful, and when he . . ."

Flora interrupted her,"Just shut up!"

"Well, did you and John? You know?"

Flora was furious. 'How could this happen to me?' She held her tongue, "That's our business."

"I was just asking."

Flora turned to go clean up the kitchen. Sitting on the counter was the half bottle of  their 'finest'.  "Cora!", she yelled. "What is this doing here?"

Cora had followed her into kitchen. "Oh, honey, that is 'liquid courage'. Cora gave a big smile, "Works miracles. You should try it. sometime." With that Cora turned and walked out of the kitchen. As she left, she announced, "I'm going to take a nice bubble bath."

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Oh, It Unsnaps!

As soon as Flora saw her sister standing in the door way she was on her feet. "Flora what do I do now?" she said again in a loud whisper. 

Flora quietly responded, "I gave you 2 books."

"I know, but I don't remember how to work the teddy."

'What?' Flora thought. 'What in the world was she talking about?' Before she could ask, Cora was speaking.

"It's in the way. You know . . ."

Then Cora smiled, "Never mind I figured it out. It snaps, that's pretty smart." She looked around her sister at John sitting there taking this all in. "Haayy!" He smiled and waved. Cora turned to leave. Before she got through the door, Cora said, "You know you have to take your clothes off for this to work."

Flora was so confounded by the way Cora was acting, all she could do was sit there. John asked, "Are you alright?"

She didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say. Both of them could hear noises coming from the living room. "Come over here," John suggested indicating the seat next to him on the swing.

Flora hesitated, but then stood up and moved to the porch swing. John put his arm around her. Flora just froze. 'What do I do now,' she asked herself. Her mind was blank. The sounds emanating from the living room sofa were all she could hear.

John nuzzled her neck. "You smell so good." Flora was a lost cause. All she could think of was, 'How could this have happened? Cora is such a prude.'

Meanwhile John was about to give up. Finally he sat back. "Flora I am sorry. I thought you might be trying to seduce me, like Cora is doing. . . to Don, you know?" He paused, "I guess I was mistaken. Have I done something wrong?"

"Of course not," said Flora. 

"Well then move over here a bit closer to me." She did and he reached down to kiss her. But not before they heard, "Oh, baby do that again!" come from the living room. 

Flora and John fumbled around for a bit. Finally Flora unbuttoned a button or 2 or her blouse. John could see the pink lace. Enthusiastically, he started undoing the remaining buttons. All this was going well until the screen door opened and  Cora and Don walked out onto the porch.

It was quite obvious that both were drunk. Cora was wearing her blouse unbuttoned so you could see her teddy, with Don's neck tie hanging loosly around her neck. Don was wearing his shirt, boxer shorts, his brown dress socks, carrying his pants and shoes and a shit eating grin.

"Whatcha y'all doing?" Cora asked in a bit of a slur.

Flora sat up and tried to pull her blouse back on.

When Cora saw where Flora and John were, Cora said, "Oh, honey, you're not going to get any  like that." 

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

That Way When Things get Romantic . . .

Flora had called Pearce earlier in the week to get the Johnsons' phone number. Later that morning, Flora called Don and John. Much to Cora's dismay, they gladly accepted the ladys' invitation to dinner. 

Flora and Cora prepared a meal of steaks, salad, and potatoes. For dessert, Cora made a dish of their mother's famous peach cobbler. As she took the cobbler out of the oven, Cora asked, "Now what?" 

"We get dressed. And don't forget to put on some perfume." 

"But what about the teddy thing?" 

"Wear that under your clothes." 

"Over my underwear?" 

"No, instead of your underwear, silly. That way when things get romantic, you can show it to him." 

Cora was still unsure about all this. Certainly women did not do these things at their age. But following her sister's lead, she put on the teddy and the perfume. 

When Cora walked back into the kitchen, she remembered the 2 bottles of their finest work they kept under the sink. She put ice in a glass and poured it half way up with the 180 proof moonshine. 'Courage in a bottle', she said to herself as she filled the rest of the glass with iced tea. She took a long swig. 

Don and John arrived right on time. They had brought each of the ladies a bouquet of roses. Flora suggested they sit on the front porch in the old glider and on the porch swing. It was going to be a short while before the steaks were done. 

As soon as the men were settled onto the porch, Cora asked Flora if she could help her in the kitchen. Flora had just gotten into the front door, when Cora started, "Flora, now you have really gone over the edge. You realize everyone who drives by will see we have company - men company." 

"Yes, and so?" 

"What if they think the men are spending the night here?" 

"What if they do? After all, that's the plan isn't it?" 

Flora walked back out onto the porch. Cora headed to the kitchen for the iced tea. All she could think of, as she pulled 4 glasses of their mother's best crystal from the China cabinet,  was, 'What had Flora gotten them into this time?' 

While she added ice and poured tea into the glasses, Cora continued to take big sips from her first glass. She poured the remainder of her first glass into a crystal one. She added mint and lemon to each then carried them out to the porch. 

Conversation was light among the 4 of them. Don and John entertained the ladies with stories about working at Cre Uisce Aer. By the time they were half way through their iced tea, Cora was feeling much better. Come to think about it, she could never remember feeling this good.

At one point, Don asked, "So, what do you ladies do?" 

Very enthusiastically, Cora blurted out, "Make moon shine." 

The expression on Don's face showed he did not understand. However, since the cat was out of the bag, Flora added, "You know home made liquor." 

Both men smiled widely. 

Quickly, Flora said, "But we don't have any right now." She looked at Cora and gave her a 'Don't you dare say anything more' stare. To the others she said, "I'm going to check on dinner." She headed for the kitchen. 

After she left, Cora moved over to sit next to Don on the porch swing. She giggled, "You know we are real happy y'all came over tonight."

Don smiled, "We are too."

Cora smiled, "Boy do we have a surprise for y'all tonight." She took another big swig of her 'tea'.

Flora opened the door, "Supper's ready." Cora showed them into the dining room. Flora served supper. Before she sat down, she asked, "Anyone need more tea?"

She picked up the mens' glasses, along with hers and went into the kitchen. She added ice to all the glasses. Once again she added a good 3 ounces of liquor to her glass, then filled all 3 up with tea. By the time she got back to the table she was starting to wobble a bit. She gave Don and John glasses of tea and sat down with hers. 

They started eating. When Cora picked up her glass, she realized with the first taste, that she just had regular tea in her glass. Maybe she didn't 'supplement' hers after all, she thought. While no one was noticing, she put her hand in her lap. Slowly she moved it to the top of Don's thigh. He turned and smiled at her.

'Good', she thought, 'the book was right.' She took another sip of tea, for courage. Trying to remember exactly what the book said to do next, she slowly moved her hand up even further on Don's thigh. He let out a sigh with a smile. She would have stopped but it didn't seem to bother him -- at all. 

Flora looked over, "Cora, can you help me in the kitchen."

When they got out of earshot, Flora turned to Cora. In a very low voice, she asked, "Are you sure you are OK? If you don't want to do anything I understand."

"I thought I was doing it," asked Cora. 

"No, we have to do more than just sit and talk at the table. After dessert, I'll suggest to John that he and I move out to the porch."

"And, what about me? Just sit at the table?" Cora asked, thinking she was doing pretty good so far.

"No silly, that will be your sign to take Don into the living room."

"Then what?"

"Just sit real close to him and see what happens."

Cora nodded and followed Flora back to the table with the peach cobbler. As soon as they sat down, she slowly moved her hand under the table back to Don's lap. It was only then that she noticed his chair had been moved much closer to hers. 

When they finished dessert, Flora suggested that she and John go onto the porch. Cora quickly stood up. "Don, let's go into the living room so we can . . ." she unbuttoned the top several buttons of her blouse, revealing a good portion of her pink lace teddy, "so we can do this!"

Don thought it terribly funny. Flora was aghast. It was then that Cora first realized Don had gotten the 'supplemented' tea refill. He stood up, "Oh, yeah!"

Flora hurried John out onto the front porch. Totally frustrated with her sister, all she could say was, "I don't know what has gotten into her. I think she has lost her mind."

Back in the living room, Don and Cora had moved to the sofa. A line of abandoned clothes were left in their wake from the dining room table to the sofa. She was down to her teddy and Don was buck naked. Suddenly Cora sat up. "Wait a minute. I'll be right back."

Flora heard the screen door open. She looked to see Cora standing there, wearing nothing but her teddy and her knee high stockings. In a slightly slurred voice, Cora asked, "Flora, what do I do now?"