The Trials of the Yule Log

Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said I am certifiably insane, with the crown, the sash, and the apron (in this case.) 

Most people who know me are aware that I love to cook. I am very  fearless in the kitchen. Many years ago I decided that I was going to be a bit adventuresome and bake a fairly complicated Lemon Doberge cake - for a family reunion no less. The recipe consisted of 3 pages of directions and 14 ingredients. It required one to make a lemon custard, a fluffy moist white cake, and delicate lemon frosting. 5 hours later when finished one would have a delicious 7 layer cake with deep yellow lemon custard between each layer, covered in a white frosting with bits of lemon zest. One would also find one's self seeking long term counseling.

Fast forward, I, in some moment of total dementia, decided this year to make a Chocolate Yule Log. I'd never made one before. I had seen them in magazines and tasted wonderful ones made by professional bakers. It is a chocolate cake that looks like a log. How hard could it be?

I did my research into recipes and found 3 I liked. After reading through the 3 I saw that I preferred the cake by the Pioneer Woman's recipe, the filling by Bon Appetite, and the chocolate ganache from Delish's site. I prepared a shopping list, procured the necessary ingredients, and assembled the various pots, pans, and dishes I thought I would need. My Chromebook was relocated to the kitchen counter with all 3 web sites open. 

The first part was to make the cake. I measured out all of my ingredients and commenced. I whipped the 6 egg whites in one bowl. While doing so I combined the dry ingredients - the flour, cocoa, the sugar, and baking powder into a 2nd bowl and added the vanilla. Next, according to the screen, I added the egg yokes to a 3rd bowl and started the mixer. I checked the recipe, "Once the mixer starts with the egg yokes, slowly add the sugar and vanilla, before the flour mixture ...." At that point I looked in horror at the bowl containing the combined dry ingredients with the sugar, cocoa, etc . I panicked. Was this the correct cake recipe? 

Checking, yes, this was the correct one. However I realized that I had incorrectly read the instructions for the Bon Appetite cake recipe in preparing the ingredients, and was now reading the correct recipe of the Pioneer Woman to mix the ingredients. 

Back to the mess at hand. In vane, I tried to scoop the sugar off the top of the cocoa mix. Somehow I managed to get a 1/4 cup of sugar contaminated by a bit of cocoa into the egg yokes. How badly did I really want to make this cake after all? The thrill of the experience was long gone. But somehow I got all the ingredients into the mixer, (not necessarily in the correct order), prepared the batter, and got it into the pan. Looking at it as I slid it into the oven, I noticed it was a light brown color, not the rich dark color shown in the lovely photographs. Oh well.

On to the next step. Scanning down the page . . . "Cake", "Filling" , "Meringue Mushrooms"." Meringues? What bloody meringues?  Who knew mushrooms were part of the yule log?

Back and forth I flipped between the 3 recipes. In getting ready to the prepare the filling, I started gathering the ingredients:  "Whipping cream, Sugar, Cream Cheese, Sour Cream . . . " Wait, there was no sour cream or cream cheese in the recipe. I shortly realized I was reading the recipe for Delish's filling, not Bon Appetite's. This cake was slowly developing a multiple personality issue. 

I was able to to get the filling put together, sans cream cheese and sour cream. I'll spare you the remaining sordid details. 2 Dishwasher loads of pots, pans, and in-sundry utensils I had managed to bake the cake, add the filling, and get it into the 'fridge to chill for several hours before icing it. I had also managed to bake a batch of meringue mushroom pieces to be assembled in accordance to paragraphs 10-12 of the recipe. I delayed assembling those until the morning.

Wait, paragraphs 13-14 refer to "Sugared Cranberries". Great, if I read further no doubt I'll find the "Marshmallow Bunnies" that certainly live on the log with the mushrooms and the cranberries. No doubt a plain Chocolate Roll without the woodland features would taste just as good. A little late now.

Of Many One, Yet Each to Their Own

 There are some times I just want to yell, "Stop the Weihnachtspyramide (aka Christmas carousel), I want to get off." This is one time of year I feel that way. Christmas Day is fast approaching.

We can count on some political difference that will arise just as we sit down to eat along with some disagreement over football predictions. There are the in-laws, the out-laws, the folks being introduced to the family for the first time (God help them), and thank goodness, the neighbors who will keep us all fairly civilized less we embarrass ourselves in front of God and everybody. But all in all it is family, our family, gnarly tree and all, with its dysfunction, warts, and skeletons. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

This season is where I start to have an issue. Our society has changed. As we have moved into this century and our population has become more diverse, the number of religions practiced in these united states has increased. At the same time, like it not, we have become more secular. This is not to say we have all become devil worshipers or joined a Wicca cult. Life is just more complicated. 

I am tired of hearing "Keep the Christ in Christmas" just as I am weary of protests against the creche on the town square. Yes, the Christmas season was orginally the time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of God and leader of the Christian faith. But Christianity is just one of many religions among us. In trying to keep Peace on Earth (or at least at home) and Goodwill Toward Men, perhaps we should look around and accept that we are a nation of many. With the exception of the Native Americans, we all arrived here from foreign soil bringing our many faiths and beliefs with us. My father's family came from Scotland only 4 generations ago. My mother's family was orginally from Wales and Scotland. 

Some people say, I just wish Christmas was like it was in the ol' days. You know, like one sees in the works by Norman Rockwell or Courier and Ives. Well, it pretty much is - those paintings are of families gathering, festive outdoor scenes, sleighs in the snow - all the nostalgia we hold so dear. It is everyone's right to celebrate the holiday as they wish or not. It should also be everyone's place to respect those who do not share your values or norms. We have moved on, like it or not. 

No one is taking away the celebration of Christ's birth, the churches will still have their services. Albeit practicing social distancing as we all come together. (Only in these days does this make sense.) Yes, the commercial side is here to stay, thanks to Coca Cola's iconic picture of Santa Claus in 1931 and Francis Pharcellus Church's answer to little Virginia O'Hallon's letter to the editor in 1897. Fighting among us to define the modern Christmas season is about as effective as asking 5 blind men to describe an elephant - everyone has their own personal take on it.

Rather fight for turf and declare what Christmas SHOULD be, perhaps in this busy world when we never spend as much time as we should with one another and never have as much time together to build memories for the future as we did years ago, let's be thankful for the holiday season from Thanksgiving to New Years. Whether you are a devout Christian celebrating the birth of Christ, a member of the Jewish faith celebrating Hanukkah, an African American sharing Kwanza with your family, a Buddist honoring Rohatsu, a Pagan worshiping the Solstice, or just someone who wants to take the time to stop and celebrate life and the joy of those around us - this is the one time we can. 

I was reminded of this just this morning when I was reading about Starbucks taking the "Merry Christmas" and other Christmas motifs off their red coffee cups for the season for fear of offending some. The malls no longer put up "Christmas Trees" - they are now "Holiday Trees". And it is hard to find "Christmas Cards" in the Hallmark store. Shouldn't we drop the political correctness and embrace each other. I am not offended by the menorah that I may see displayed or holiday lights in blue white of the Jewish faith. Kwanza decorations do not threaten me. Instead this all reminds me that of many we are one. We should embrace all beliefs and move forward.

A horrid correlation could be to the Third Reich in Germany as they ascended to power, Germans found everything for the people homogenized - just as the Fuhrer wanted. We don't want it all the same, we don't need any one group fussing that they "were first", it is "their holiday", no more than we want laws that say it is all just a "Holiday" versus what it is to you. As far as I'm concerned, you should be able to enjoy the holidays, celebrate them as you wish, and call them what you want to. Have we become a nation of wimps with tender feelings hurt by the threat of change and diversity? 

Yes, there is a reason for the season - to celebrate life, love, and family. To carry on whatever traditions you may have, crazy as they may be. But more than that, it is a time for us to respect our neighbors as they celebrate as they wish, call it what they may, and perhaps we can learn something along the way. 

As for Starbucks and their red cups. I know still what they stand for. I would like to see "Merry Christmas" and the traditional motifs return but that is their decision. After all it is not what is on the cup - it what is in it. As for the holidays - its not what they are called but how we choose to celebrate them and more importantly that we do have the right and freedom to choose as we wish.

As Toby Kieth said;

"Red solo cup you're more than just plastic

You're more than amazing you're more than fantastic

And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic

When I look at you and say [ ] you're not just a cup."

Mix and Match Venues, Characters, and Plots

Randomly, I came upon a list of the top "50" Hallmark Christmas Movies. Whoever wrote the snippets for this list does the best job ever of capturing the camp of these movie plots.

To be fair there are only 5 or 6 plots recycled - over and over and over. Only the names and a few minor details are changed. Characters can be single moms, single dads, widowed or divorced. They can be famous country music stars or doctors or shop owners. There is always a "best friend" involved somewhere. Whatever, the plot is still some iteration of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, there is a tender touch (usually wiping off a bit off food from the other's face or removing a stray eye lash), an interrupted kiss, a misunderstanding, a reconciliation at the very end, and everyone lives happily ever after. Cue the lights and credits.

The venues often include an inn, a farm, a winery, a small town, or a ski lodge as locations. Standard characters usually include a jilted girl, a damaged boy, a prince, (rarely a princess), a doctor, or a handy man. You can count on the story ending with a ball, a gala, a Christmas pageant, a fund raiser, or a wedding. Pick one from each column and voila, a Hallmark Christmas movie is born.

Of the 50 chosen movies on the list, the best description by far was the following:

The Nine Lives of Christmas (2014)

Hallmark officially lost its damn mind with this movie about a vet and fireman who bond over a stray cat. I can’t promise that no felines were emotionally damaged in the process of making this film.

At least some one around can still give an honest review and also have a sense of humor. A stray cat? Seriously? 

Back into Lock Down We Go

 Damn! We are facing another lock down. Just for the record I have had both of my vaccinations and my booster (more than a month ago). I am very confident should I get the dreaded Omicron variant, the symptoms will be mild and I will avoid hospitalization. As Americans, we are extremely lucky to have had access to very effective vaccines since last spring, as well as boosters. 

Personally, citizens who fail or refuse to get vaccinations are being irresponsible to themselves, their family, and co-workers, as well as the public in general. And, for many it is too late. Yes, there are still vaccines and boosters available, although it takes weeks for them to establish protection after one is inoculated. They may be too late to protect those who chose not to protect themselves. 

There are so many people, like lemmings off the cliff, who have followed the false advice of anti-vaccine pundits. This begs the question: are your politics worth your life? After all one cannot vote after they have assumed room temperature. We hear many stories of un-vaccinated people begging for the vaccine as they were being intubated.  Or, pleas from former anti-vaccine advocates who contracted the virus and suffered severe symptoms, to those who may have followed their advice, not to make same mistake. They finally have found religion and regret their decision to not take advantage of the vaccines.

As Americans, anyone desiring protection or not, have had the opportunity, since this past spring to get vaccinated. To avoid the taunts of their anti-vaccine friends and coworkers, who yell and scream about the conspiracy of the shots, anyone could easily have gone out of town and secretly gotten the vaccine. Keeping their decision secret, they could avoid the worse of the symptoms or death. 

Nothing irritates me more than being vaccinated yet still having to wear a mask to protect those who chose not to be vaccinated and often also choose not to wear a mask. I am taking measures to protect their health when they are not willing to do so themselves. (Yes, I realize there are those who are compromised - organ recipients, the infirm elderly, diabetics and such. Their situation is precarious at best when often even the vaccines cannot prevent the virus.) I am not only responsible enough to get the available protection, I try to follow the CDC guidelines that could have saved so many deaths had everyone done so. 

True, I chose to travel to New York this past week. I was heartened to find that in the city to enter all restaurants, Broadway shows, and many shops, patrons had to show proof of vaccination and matching ID. The city had a mask mandate in all other indoor facilities for those vaccinated or not.  The federal government has reinstated the mask mandate for all airports and on airplanes. There were no exceptions here, even for those non-believers.

Once again, I stand on my soap box and plea for my doubting friends and colleagues to get vaccinated, whether they listen to anti-vaccine conspirators or not. Over 805,000 of our fellow Americans have succumbed to this deadly pandemic. How many more need to lose their lives before those who doubt the safety of the vaccine take the responsible decision to get vaccinated.

For the record that number of deaths (as of today) is more than the population of states such as New Jersey, Delaware, Vermont, Wyoming, and Guam. More than the populations of such Cities as Indianapolis, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, Boston, Nashville, Las Vegas, Detroit, or Baltimore to name a few. Imagine the entire population of one of these states or cities just being wiped off the map. Pretty much puts it in perspective.

If I have offended anyone, I am only trying to save suffering and lives. I offer no apologies. Like most Americans, I pine for the return of our normal lives. I can only follow the advice and guidance of the experts who speak from science, rather than those who promote "the conspiracy". Yet many of these are these themselves are vaccinated. I’m not sure what’s worse, a person who speaks from ignorance or a hypocritical pundit. 

Unlike a lemming off a cliff, often I feel like a voice crying in the wilderness.

War of the Fruitcakes

Like many families ours has a fruitcake recipe that has been passed down over the years. Every family has that "Great Aunt Penelope's Fruitcake" recipe that is supposed to produce the only tasty edible fruitcake known to man. According to Great Aunt Penelope, unlike the opinion of other family members, this is the cake that the family has enjoyed at every Christmas dinner.

In truth, to save hurting the cook's feelings many a dog has been fed the god awful cake under the table. After all everyone has to accept a piece when it is served. Taking one for the team, so to speak. It also fits  nicely into a pocket or purse, whatever is handy at the meal, for later disposal.

One side of our family swears by a yellow batter cake with some fruits and nuts sprinkled about. In my opinion it is dry with very little flavor. Personally it doesn't resemble a fruitcake. But, there are those in the family who enjoy it . . . or so they say.

The other side of the family has a creation with so many fruits and nuts in it that the dark moist "cake" part is sparse - just enough to hold it all together. The cake is wrapped in a brandy soaked cheese cloth and kept in an old Courier and Ives decorated tin. I think the tin was assigned to hold fruitcake sometime in the early years of the Victorian Era and has done so since. All that said, it is a tasty holiday treat - in my opinion. But, in full disclosure I don't think the cake has made it past the holidays, much less until the following year or eternity.

More on the Fruit Cake

Contined from yesterday:

    Though true fruitcake aficionados argue over exactly how long you should be marinating your fruitcake in the fridge, The Spruce says that “it's generally recommended that soaked fruitcake should be consumed within two years.” Which isn't to say that the cake couldn’t last longer, as our century-old Antarctic fruitcake proves. Honestly, it would probably taste OK if you let it sit in brandy for a few days and have several servings of brandy yourself.

    Like the family's old ceramic cake plate that is passed down through generations, with some argument over who is the designated recipient with each passing, so could the family fruitcake. That said, I would argue that perhaps the cake may not be "enjoyed" by a few of those generations. No doubt there have been families who have exhumed a loved one's grave (for some ungodly reason) only to find the corpse in poor condition clutching the family fruitcake that is still edible.

     So, if you still have that fruitcake left from last Christmas,  perhaps you can re-gift it this holiday season. Not only will you be sharing in the holiday spirit, you are gifting that certain someone a relic. How better to tell someone you care. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!!

How Long can a Fruit Cake Last

Ah the lowly fruitcake- the butt of many jokes It is seen as the Christmas gift one only gives to someone they either care nothing about or can think of no other appropriate gift.

  All that said, the Fruitcake is a shelf-stable food unlike any other. A must for the supplies of Amy survivalist. One Ohio Family has kept the same fruitcake uneaten (except for periodic taste tests) since it was baked in 1878. In Antarctica, a century-old fruitcake discovered in artifacts left by explorer Robert Falcon Scott’s 1910 expedition remains “almost edible,” according to the researchers who found it. So what is it that makes fruitcake so freakishly hardy?

    It comes down to the ingredients. Fruitcake is notoriously dense. Unlike almost any other cake, it’s packed chock-full of already-preserved foods, like dried and candied nuts and fruit. All those dry ingredients don’t give microorganisms enough moisture to reproduce, as Ben Chapman, a food safety specialist at North Carolina State University, explained in 2014. That keeps bacteria from developing on the cake.

    Oh, and the booze helps. A good fruitcake involves plenty of alcohol to help it stay shelf-stable for years on end. Immediately after a fruitcake cools, most bakers will wrap it in a cheesecloth soaked in liquor and store it in an airtight container. This keeps mold and yeast from developing on the surface. It also keeps the cake deliciously moist.

    In fact, fruitcakes aren’t just capable of surviving unspoiled for months on end; some people contend they’re better that way. Fruitcake fans swear by the aging process, letting their cakes sit for months or even years at a stretch. Like what happens to a wine with age, this allows the tannins in the fruit to mellow, according to the Wisconsin bakery Swiss Colony, which has been selling fruitcakes since the 1960s. As it ages, it becomes even more flavorful bringing out complex notes that a young fruitcake (or wine) lacks.

    If you want your fruitcake to age gracefully, you’ll have to give it a little more hooch every once in a while. If you’re keeping it on the counter in advance of a holiday feast a few weeks away, the King Arthur Flour Company recommends unwrapping it and brushing it with whatever alcohol you’ve chosen (brandy and rum are popular choices) every few days. This is called “feeding” the cake, and should happen every week or so.

    The aging process is built into our traditions around fruitcakes. In Great Britain, one wedding tradition calls for the bride and groom to save the top tier of a three-tier fruitcake to eat until the christening of the couple’s first child—presumably at least a year later, if not more.

To be contiued....

    

Are We Having Fun Yet

 The holidays are here and Christmas is right around the corner. If the past week is a sign of what's to come between now and the 25th, it doesn't look good for the home team. So far I

• purchased gifts that I found were not what I had in mind, then learned they could not be returned
• realized that there are not enough lights for the tree
• cannot, for the life of me, find where I put the nice gift tags I bought last year
• have yet to wrap all my gifts
• have managed to soak many of those gifts I have wrapped while attempting to water the tree
• am still waiting for a very important present to arrive that I fear is lost
• still have 2 folks I cannot find an appropriate gift for
• just recalled a friend I left off my list
• don't have a clue if and when I will have time to bake for friends and family
• found note from my Elf (on the Shelf) that he didn't have time for me this year
• am just one crisis away from declaring Bah Humbug and moving to Aruba to scale fish for a living

Other than that, my life is stress free. Yes, it is beginning to look like Christmas.

My Past in Faded Kodachrome

 A week or so ago I came upon an old album containing photos of my beloved High Acres. Some of the pictures date as far back as 1974 - hard to believe that is 47 years ago. They recount a few things that date even further back, such as pictures of my brother and me with our first ponies. 

Even with the album's age, the photographs are in less than perfect condition, taken with a simple camera, and by a less than talented photographer, it is a record of an important part of my youth. It is much like I remembered. 

Probably some of the most interesting ones are those of the house at the farm under construction. In truth it was "under construction" until the day Mama sold the farm 30 or so years later. But these particular photos capture the initial raising of the walls. 

There are images of the house and its wonderful views.

There are also pictures of many of Daddy's horses over the years, his Angus cattle, his sheep, the infamous trail rides with all our house guests, and photos of the farm itself.

Some of the people I do not recognize and there are others I have not thought of in many years.  While the photos have faded, my memories are still in glorious color.  In a way these 100 or so photographs justify those memories. 

(As an aside, and a sign of our times, in writing this post every time I penned the word "Kodachrome", spell check changed it to "Chromebook'.)

A World Away on My Morning Walk

 Each morning I awake at 5:30. Shortly there after the pups and are out on our constitutional. It is always dark and these days can be quite chilly. The temperatures can vary from 32 to the mid 50's. Usually I throw on a pair of sweat pants, shirt and a sweat shirt. My hair is a mess. After all it is dark and rarely, if ever, do we see anyone. 

Usually I listen to the news, a podcast, or a movie on my phone while we walk. I find it gives me more patience with pups while they want to stop and smell every bush and telephone pole along the way. A 5 minute walk becomes a 20 minute expedition. God forbid a homeless cat has found refuge under a parked car or a confused squirrel is up and about. At that point all bets are off.

This morning I realized the juxtaposition of life. My choice of entertainment on my phone was a documentary, "7 Days Out". The particular episode was on the Channel Show at Paris Fashion week. It is a particularly interesting look into a life extremely foreign to me.  While I walk the pups, often trying to get them to move on past some marked plant, avoid the stray cat, or bag their poop, I am listening to the days running up to Paris Fashion Week.

There are interviews with Karl Lagerfeld describing the brand and what is entailed in preparing for the show. There is much discussion about couture gowns, elegant models, and the rich and famous who are invited to enjoy the runway from the front row. 

Lagerfeld also goes into the details of the inspiration for his elegant designs. Some how, I doubt a woman of my age, dressed in sweat pants, with unkempt hair, and 2 unruly terriers chasing feral cats comes close to any inspiration Mr. Lagerfeld may have. In fact, I doubt such a scene has ever entered his mind.  

Elvis Spotted Working as Cashier at Local Stop 'n Shop

 The most I have ever read gossip magazines were the covers of the National Enquirer while checking out at the grocer. That was years ago. Now days gossip and scandal are every where on the internet. Even when not seeking it, I find I am bombarded with details.

I'm not sure how this happened, but for some reason I keep getting emails and notifications with news about the British Royal family. I have always been a supporter of the Queen and her kin, of course the most I  know about the clan I learned watching the series"The Crown". And, like almost everyone on the planet with a television at the time, I watched the wedding of the Prince of Wales and Lady Dianna Spencer.

But back to these unsolicited missives I keep receiving. Over the past weeks I have learned the following: Princess Eugenie was seen leaving a family do in tears (no explanation of why), the throne may skip the long suffering Charles and be passed directly to William, the Queen does not approve of Kate's wardrobe, Prince Harry and Megan really moved to California to join a cabal (few if any details are available), Dianna had an illegitimate child prior to her marriage to Charles (so much for her being the virgin bride) . . .

And on and on it goes. Thinking about it, I could write such explosive copy. No doubt I am in possession of as many of the facts as these creative journalists feel they are. They have just figured out a way to monetize it. 

Personally I found the headlines from years ago much more entertaining -  "Adam and Eve were Astronauts", "Fat Tourist Destroys Tower of Pisa", "Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby", "Abraham Lincoln was a Woman", and my all time favorite: "Snake with Human Head Found in Arkansas".  With such mind blowing tales, who cares about the throne, the cabal, or the wardrobe!