Thursday, September 30, 2021

I Yearn Therefore I Am

 Someone asked me what I truly yearn for. I had to think. "Yearn" is an odd request. "Want" - yes, "Dream For" - I can see.,"Wish For", a popular question. But "Yearn" (very eager desiring along with restless or painful feelings)? So I thought.

I want my bank account to be have a larger balance but I yearn to be in the top 10%. I want to travel more but I yearn for a 'Fractional Ownership' of NetJets. I want to lose weight but I yearn to be a size 6 again without limiting my calorie intake. If I took enough time, the list would be fairly substantial.

However, as one of my teachers told me in 9th grade, in response to my declaration that I wanted to attend Vassar, "You can always dream". Upon reflection, I dream for things I think will bring me great joy, but in reality know they will never happen. 

Which begs the question - what do I dream for? In 6th grade it was to have Tim Matheson fall in love with me. In 8th year it was to have my very own horse. My senior year it was to attend the prom with the boy I had a crush on but, knew in reality, he was going to ask Susan Langfordson. There is a long list of things I dream for. Thinking back on it, Mr. Vangard's advice in 9th grade was some of the best I ever got. If we cannot dream, our world is just mundane. Fantasies, if only for a moment, bring our futures into technicolor.

Whereby dreams are illusions, wants are fairly pedestrian. I want to read more. I want to schedule my time better. I want to learn how to master a souffle. These are things that are very possible on a list and probable if I truly decide to do them.

Reality is understanding the difference between fantasy and the truth. But as Issey Miyake once said, "We yearn for the beautiful, the unknown, and the mysterious." Perhaps we should yearn more than dream. To dream is to wish for something fantastic. To want is something we know can easily be done. However, I yearn for those things I know deep down are possible, but question if I have the determination to achieve them.

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