Life's Lessons - So Far

Over my many years, I have learned a few things - most the hard way. Some of the more important lessons I learned were not over keeping  Chaucer's characters in the Canterbury Tales straight or the value of Pi, but rather what to do or not, truths to accept, and accepted beliefs to reject. Here are a few that come to mind:

• Don't ever ask an overweight young lady when her baby is due.

• If the outfit you are trying on is too tight, return it to the rack. All the good intentions to lose enough weight for it to fit will be in vain. Trust me. It took me several purchases to reach (and accept) this realization.

• When the bottle of wine is empty and you cannot remember if it is the 1st or 2nd bottle you have shared with friends that evening 'tis best to go to bed.

• No matter how much you believe or click your heals, the House Keeping is never going to come.

• Every time your souffle falls, your Hollandaise sauce curdles, or your chocolate burns, keep in mind Julia Childs didn't know how to cook before she went to France so there is hope. 

• When someone says "You are as young as you feel", chances are they are much younger and feel much better than you.

• Benjamin Franklin said “Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” Unfortunately, no one remembers the first part of the quote and the second part, which everyone does remember, is a cruel reality.

• Contrary to lore, the LBR (Little Black Dress) you keep in your closet will not always make your size 12 look like a size 8 - no matter what the fashion magazines say.

• Never buy cheap shoes, cheap sheets, or cheap aluminum foil. 

• Anyone who brings up the issue of a diet during the dessert course is rude, crude, and unattractive. 

After all, in the Canterbury Tales, The Wife of Bath (Alisoun) is the character who most enjoys life,The Prioress (Madame Eglantine) is the most proper, and Hubert, the Friar is a pain in the ass. As for Pi, it may be irrational, but it is still an even number